You can be my rebel
I’ll create the cause.
Just rev up the engine
and Jack up the radio.
I’m ready to roll!
You can be my rebel
I’ll create the cause.
Just rev up the engine
and Jack up the radio.
I’m ready to roll!
I learned today that I am horrid, terrible, completely ill-tempered when hungry..I grumble a lot and have a short fuse.
Seriously did not know I was soo growly. I was unaware I was capable of such which, can be a kind of compliment seeing as I am 42 and managed not to learn this about myself until now.
I’m truly sorry for what I said (in my head) when I was hungry.
Thankfully only the commodities stock got to see that side of me. I may owe some boxes of baby food an apology. You aren’t really fat or boxy..I’m just jealous of your shape, really.
I offer you my silence.
In it is understanding and patience.
I will wait for you to be ready to speak,
there is no clock.
My silence is not a prompt to speak,
it is a hand accepting your hand.
Words are unnecessary
until you wish to speak them.
I do not need your words,
Let them unfold when they are ready.
For now, I give you my silence.
Be at peace beside me.
From your calm thoughts pour acceptance,
You are a stream of serenity,
needed like a cool drink of water
or a soft wind at my back,
urging me ever forward.
You are both fire and water.
The resurrection of something.
The turning of a page.
You teach me to flow.
Watch this and say it again.
Heartbreaking, but beautiful. Love can lead to pain, pain can lead to despair, despair can lead to choices but…love also heals, and after that happens life changes into something more sacred.
As I always say….”Pain exists, but so too does the love that made it painful”
I had today off from work, and it happens to be payday. Yippee!
I took the bus downtown and bought Aida cloth, some pretty floss I needed, and a compartmentalized container to hold my bobbins. I forgot the Poly-fill, so..after eating half a sub at Giant Eagle grocery store, I went back and got it too.
While traveling I listened to my headset and sewed the 5th ornament on my list. I am doing quite well as I need to do 6-7 a month leading up to Christmas in order to get them all done.
I thought about it, and decided they need to be less ambitious in size and selected patterns that aren’t bigger than the boxes I picked up to put them all inside (dummy). Which I did with 2 of them.
I plan to wrap each ornament in tissue paper with a copy of one of my poems in the bottom of the box, then I want to wrap each box in Silver wrapping paper with a blue ribbon around it.
At first, I couldn’t figure out why this project was making me soo happy. I mean, I really love to sew because sewing calms me, but there was more to it than that. Then, I realized what it was.
See, I don’t have much money, like, ever..and that doesn’t really bug me, I have what I need and that’s good. The only time I get super sad, is when Christmastime comes around.
Christmas was always a big deal in both my parents houses. My mum always decorated the whole house in cheerful decorations, and my step-mum, Joann, always planned her theme for Christmas all year long (a tradition I’d dearly love to continue)
So, I was thinking. This is something I can do a little at a time, and it lets me feel like I am both planning a sort-of theme in anticipation of Christmas, like my step-mum, and doing it in a manner that makes me feel rich while poor.🙂
Basically, this stuff is making me extremely happy lately.
I decided I will keep sewing and adding stuff to a pile all year long, from now on, to give as gifts each Christmas. This way, I get to indulge in sewing and it serves a real purpose. I think my first theme will be a bunch of cat decorated pillows. Tiny ones you can hang on a doorknob or a small nail.
Is there a rule somewhere on the universe that at least one person on the bus must smell like cat urine at all times?
I truly am curious because, it’s never the same person and it’s like smelling someone who smokes Marijuana, unmistakable in its identification.
Both overwhelming scents make me want to hurl.
(Small note** I like cats..just happen to be a litter cleaning freak of nature type) I like dogs more..so sue me.
Umm….people at work are getting a little too comfortable with me and that’s making me…uncomfortable. I genuinely do like them very much, but…I really want them to stop making me blush on purpose.
They have moved into “tease Bekki mercilessly” territory. It’s never a good sign when they learn you blush when confronted with certain types of verbal banter. Namely of the sexual nature. They have begun taking extreme glee in getting me to the point of wanting to curl up and die when they “discuss” things with each other (in the break room) while I am in there.
They seem to take the most delight in my reactions to really unexpected statements.
Let me spell this out for you….
I am a perfectly normal sensual person. I am not a prude. I am an introvert and romantic, which means I don’t kiss and tell, and would rather hide in the bathroom than tell you anything that personal. I am also extremely private. No, I don’t mind you being yourself. Yes, you can tease me. No, I will not answer your questions about my “preferences” or “experiences”.
The teasing includes conjecture into what my secrets might be. Good luck with that.
On Friday I plan to go shopping for sewing supplies. My Christmas ornament plans are coming along nicely.
Ok, soo weird question, anyone ever heard of a place called Sharpes Pizzaria? I had a dream and that name was mentioned.
I just kinda wondered if there really is a place called that anywhere in the world.
Z looks soo beautiful on my wall. Now I just need to get some 8×10’s framed for display. I shall call it the “Mom brag wall shrine of deliberate daughter embarrassment”
She begs me about once a year not to play the boobie bra video at her one day wedding. I smile and tell her that, not only is that sucker playing, I have sent others copies, just in case.
My reasoning is this, it will be a moment that was teased about from age 6 onward,therefore, if it doesn’t happen, she will one day wish that it had, AND if anything ever happens to me (like death) that video will show Z I am right there at her wedding in spirit cause no way am I missing that moment! I look forward to that event just as much as I look forward to the first time I see my baby having a baby of her own.
The bra memory always makes me embarrassingly sentimental.
I just freaking love my kid! Yes..I totally freaking do!
She’s fifteen and the best person I ever met.
It’s too late at night to post the canvas on my wall, I’ll post it on Friday.
Long live the shrine!
I sometimes have weird dreams, but this one upset me soo much I feel excruciating sadness and despair. Like I killed someone.
In the dream a black fly was annoying me, you know how they get right in your ear like they are doing it on purpose? I wanted to use a Flyswatter on it, it was that annoying. So, I did. I squashed him…only, it made me feel real bad. Then suddenly he was a gecko and looking at me with these sad eyes and I KEPT ON HITTING IT!! I beat the Damned things brains out!! It looked at me the whole time. WTFF?
I feel bad when I kill a Damned fly, so why the Hell would I hurt a living creature like that?
The answer? I wouldn’t! I fucking wouldn’t! I use to cry when the Geckos got stuck in the apartment in Florida and we’d find them (or the cat would) all pale white from the lack of heat and being in the AC and/or starved to death.
I once felt bad for flushing in freaked out reaction when I found a frog in the toilet, while I was tinkling into it! I saved him and took him outside apologizing the whole way.
I only ever feel fine about killing cockroaches, and flies, those fuckers climb on you and that’s just not cool. Little Bastards. (There is a whole cockroach nightgown incident that I am emotionally scarred over that explains that one)
I woke up utterly freaked out and crying. The thoughts I had in my dream were just soo wrong. Soo..NOT.ME.
WTH WAS THAT!!
Someone get me a shrink. I’m totally freaked out.
I wish I had more time. I need to read up on writing with dialog, using proper punctuation (Semi-colons, commas, and such are driving me bonkers with my apparent ineptitude) I also need to better understand paraphrasing and indentation, and how to write foreshadowing that doesn’t confuse the heck out of the reader…not that I have any foreshadowing needed ATM, I just feel the need to have the ability should a foreshadowing moment suddenly toss itself at my person.
On a more personal note:
I want the newest Demons Apprentice book to come out….Right now dammit!! I need it…
I have hit a milestone on my book and I am extremely pleased.
I am halfway done with the book. My personal challenge to myself is coming along nicely. My goal is to complete the first draft of Hamilton by Christmas. So far, I have done a Chapter for each day off. 4 Chapters so far in just two weeks. With my work schedule that is actually pretty good.
I have writer friends who would probably laugh at that, but it’s ok. I am still relatively new to this stuff and I am pretty proud of the story I am telling, even if it is moving at a slower pace.
I dream of a day I can do this as my job.🙂
Today Hamilton met Oliver Crumbwell. He was not overly impressed.
Working on Hamilton, but other book Ideas keep filling up my head (I have been fooled by you before head!!) I will not leave this book and drift to another…but I will make notes.
**Alderdeeen Elves: Elves all have within their culture many different sub-cultures depending on what tribe they are from: Ice/Fire/Earth/Shadow/Light etc. Therefore some of their cultural practices are different (similar to the difference between different countries or states within those countries. Just like Humans, they are all Elf, but they can, and do, have vastly different religions, practices, and holidays.
Despite these differences, there are some few things that are the same for all elves across the board. Keeping the secret of their peoples location a secret is one of them.
Another, is in the practice of growing their hair long. Elves have a connection to their magic and their people with their hair. They braid it intricately: one braid for each member of their family. When a member of their family dies, they wrap the hair, in red, to signify the blood they have lost. They keep this cloth in their braid until it falls off, signifying they are healed. In the case of a family member being taken from them by murder they cut off the braid to show their extreme grief. This is to show they refuse to grieve until their death is laid to rest. They will only then let the braid re-grow and wrap it in blue cloth, to show they are now at peace, and can heal. It is a mark of their spirituality to have this blue cloth tied where a red cloth would have been. When the blue cloth falls out they can then move on. They do not reproduce the braid that was lost, even if they have healed, instead it is treated as if the braid has been integrated into the whole, marked only by a bead that is threaded into the whole to signify the loved one. The bead is usually crafted specifically for the memory of that person and can be quite unique and personal in nature. Asking an elf about his bead is an invitation to hear stories, one should never ask unless they truly want to hear about the loved one being discussed. Generally one provides refreshment for the elf as a token of their wish to hear a story. Stories of this sort can last all night long at a gathering, as each elf shows his respect by asking for a story. The ultimate compliment one can pay an elf, is to say “Ashnasalatah” as you pass. This indicates that you saw their beads and give respect (Generally done when a person wishes to show respect, but cannot take the time to request a story) The word means “I have seen your love and honor your dead.” Sometimes one adds “Tishka” to the end, if the family lost is known to you. This means “Your do your beads honor” which of course is a compliment on what type of person you have become.
When an Elf marries, he/she adds their mate into their braid. Mate is the main braid and will be the braid that is thickest and longest, down the center of their back signifying they are the most important person in his/her world. They will add in smaller braids to signify the birth of each child, if they are so blessed. Since having children is extremely rare, adding a braid is cause for great celebration and feasting.
During the stories of The Shadow and The Hand, we will notice that Quinn’s hair being completely cut off, is a sign that he refuses to rest until his family is avenged for their deaths. In a very emotional scene, his brother confronts Quinn and points out that he cut off ALL his hair, even though he has a brother who lives. This is something that Quinn did not realize brought his brother extreme pain. Quill points out that he did not die, so why does Quinn cut him out (and he means this quite literally).
The reader will be aware of, but not told, that the braid Quill wears is for his brother.Quill keeps his main braid intact, but has evidence of three braids that he keeps cut, these are the braids of his father and mother and sister. The only evidence of their presence, are three beads where the braids were cut away, a remembrance token.
The Ubiquitous Tome:
This is an idea for another book. A girl finds a dusty Tome in a shop. It is completely blank inside, but very very old. She takes it home and decides to use it as a journal. She writes an entry and then…someone responds back. They begin conversing and eventually it becomes clear that they are not from the same place…or world.
The idea for this book is the word Ubiquitous. It means: present, appearing, or found everywhere. The idea is that, the two teens begin talking through the journals, but, fail to consider that if two journals exist, why not more? While they are conversing, who else is reading?
This book idea is about being aware that while you are observing, you are also being observed. That what you know, may not be all there is to learn.
I really like the idea of a series with these two teens discovering new worlds and people who live within those worlds.
(The Secret that is not really a secret but is nonetheless overlooked.)
The word Ubiquitous means that there are many Tomes. In fact, one for each world. Since the number of worlds that exist in the universe could be infinite, so too can the number of available Tomes.
The Tomes cannot be destroyed. They cannot be denied. They cannot be trusted.
There. I can go back to Hamilton now.
At the moment, my Hamilton Chapters are pretty much just numbers. I kinda like the idea of naming the Chapters, (not so much for the readers or even to be published this way) but more as a way to help me keep track of what chapter is what scene. So, here goes a tentative list.
Chapter 1: Hamilton goes to the museum.
Chapter 2: Hamilton when he’s at home
Chapter 3: Braxley Wellington Super-spy
Chapter 4: Librarian in distress
Chapter 5: Run Braxley, run!
Chapter 6: Putting a plan into action
Chapter7: A Curious Delivery
Chapter 8: Shocked Librarians
Chapter 9: Hamilton connects the dots
Chapter 10: Tipsy Landlord
Chapter 11: Braxley vs The Kidnappers
Chapter 12: Meeting Oliver Crumbwell
Time for Chapter 11.
**Sidenote: Am I the only one that does this when I write?
I pile my iced coffee with extra ice, because later that melted ice will be the much anticipated (and needed!) second drink course.
I am considering recording myself reading the Hamilton Chapters the way I envision them, so that others can understand (without the glaring evidence of my need for punctuation assistance at some crucial point) how the story sounds in my head.
As a poet I find the way the book sounds is just as important to me, as the story itself.
Z and her dad live in Florida. As you know I lived there 13 years. Since I now live in Pennsylvania, people make certain to keep me informed about the hurricanes as they happen. Talking with them on the phone, I realized I have become, quite without my noticing, a bit more experienced at assessing hurricane concerns.
So, for fun (as I ride out the storm with them emotionally) I have made a list of the Top 5 things I noticed in our phone conversation.
Top 5 Hints that you’ve been through a hurricane or two before.
#1 Hearing it is class 4 is slightly reassuring.
#2 You ask about wether or not they have filled the bathtub with water, have candles, cash on hand and batteries (etc).
#3 Your friends hear about it and are scared on your behalf because the word ‘hurricane’ freaks them out but you are much more concerned with the facts of this particular hurricane.
#4 You ask if they have something for themselves to do to pass the time once the electricity goes dead.
#5 Hearing the eye has collapsed makes you feel 80% calmer.
We are one,
in all we do.
Little things, like trinkets
that lead us, day by day.
We are fated,
by some unseen task,
to live our lives, this way.
Hearts that vibrate
and souls that shine.
I am yours,
and you are mine.
Though we’ve not met,
this thing was destined,
this story, planned.
(A Twin souls poem)
With the exception of the pillow-filling and the backing, which I always do last, I have 2 ornaments of the 18 done. My co-workers keep wondering what their’s will look like, as they have seen each other’s, but not their own.
Here are the two I have so far.