Confessions of a Capricorn

Some might say I am a complete traiter to the Capricorn stereotype. Somehow my Virgo Moon and Gemini Ascendent have made me into a puddle of goo when it comes to romance. Eep..

I can’t help it!! I want the happy endings. The “Everybody finds somebody” endings. The sappy romantic smootches. Linus, from the movie Sabrina might disown me, at least the character BEFORE Sabrina makes him become his own brand of Cappy gooey. ( See there!Capricorns are actually very gooey…the stereotype is a lie.) That movie rocks!

I don’t think there is a cure for my K drama addiction. I get teased so mercilessly it has become a badge of honor. I accept it, I toss books that do not end the way I want. (I am looking at you Divergent series Ya bastads!!!) Get annoyed with any movie characters for breaking my heart (The English Patient made me insane) and cheer for the little guy to overcome and seize the day. (Go,Walter Mitty, you sexy skater-boy nerd!)

My name is Bekki B, and I am a romance addict.


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Daily Post: October 6th, 2015

I have had one of the best days off in a long time. It started out with a rather interesting dream that I cannot remember, but of which there was a trail of warmth left over from, that woke me feeling content and at peace.

My first conversation of the day was with my BFF, M. He just became interested in his Sun, Moon and Ascendent astrology and I was excited to share what I know. I went to :This site and inputted his info. It’s a tarot reading that uses Numerology, Astrology, and Divination and I find it very helpful and fun. The timing has to be perfect as the information comes and goes quickly, I use screenshot to save it. Once you have the info you need, you can go here to read up on the top three most important parts of an astro chart in deep detail. It really is a great site for beginners. If all you know is your Sun sign, you are missing really detailed bits about yourself. Here is mine as an example.


Here is a breakdown of the top 3 as I learned them.

Sun Sign. This is the starting point of you. It shows where you are from birth, your most likely traits and challenges, and who you are as a personal public face. As you learn more about yourself, you may change this blueprint as you work on the negative and emphasize the positive. Don’t ignore the negative, but do remember it is often softened and tempered by other aspects of your chart, no one is only one way.

Moon Sign. This is the private you. The emotional you. The vulnerable and underneath you. This is where your soul lives. This is the you that only your closest or near and dearest see completely. The private, feeling part of you. I am a Virgo Moon, which makes me a bit of a lover of roots and family ties.

Ascendent Sign. This is who you will be or who you are moving towards being either in older age, or your next life. It also has the effect of softening or balancing out your Sun Sign. For example, I have a Capricorn Sun…it is softened extremely by my Gemini’s chatty and friendly nature. Making me less clinical and cold appearing (since being cold as a Capricorn, is a facade) and more interested in other people. The Ascendent is the best judge of what you will be like as an older person. That is the reason it is called “The Ascendent” it is who you are Ascending towards.

Anyway, please check out the cool sites, you may learn more about yourself than you ever have before.

The next thing that happened today was that I hauled my carcass out of bed. I have been craving rotisserie chicken lately, so I decided today was the day.  I took a lovely shower (Coconut shampoo woot!!) and got my tunes ready for lift-off. My sister inquired about where I was headed for my walk, and when I explained she asked if I wanted company. Of course I said yes! I can listen to tunes anytime. We had a great chat and stopped and bought lunch for ourselves, in the form of groceries, and I got my Rotisserie!! Booya!

Now, I am home. I ate the best lunch ever. Spinach salad with veggies, Rotisserie chicken and a fruit plate for dessert. I added yogurt to my fruit. OMG! I may never eat fruit plain again. Sooo yummy.

Now I am here, posting to my blog and readying myself for another Witchy mystery novel readfest.

It’s a good day.


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Giggle of the day

Snort Giggle

I am with Poca on this one!!!

Baymax Sqwee!!

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Be Brave


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October 5, 2015 · 1:25 am

Do it

There is only forward

though, your palms feel sweaty,

and your soul is terrified of being bruised.

There is only forward now.

Forward and trust.

There are angels at your back

preventing failure.

Any step forward,

is a step into the future.

You cannot fail this.

Your fear is now the only block

to finding what you seek.

Tear that bitch down!

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Family photos

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In the Halloween photo, I am the one going all Charlie Brown. (Cannot stop laughing at that one)

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Taking a personal day

I took the day off from work. The last time I called in was 9 months ago, when the 3 day flu decided it needed to make me suffer before I traveled to the Uk. I remember being glad it happened before my trip, instead of after I got there ( like it had done the previous year). 9 months and still I feel really, really guilty.

I got home and almost passed out. My blood sugar dropped dramatically. Yea!! Hooray!! ( Suckatude) Proof I am right about needing to stop and rest. I have been working too hard. I knew it, but don’t like complaining. then there is the whole financial crap I gotta consider. Did I mention that I make peanuts? Hard earned peanuts, which I am irrationally proud of even so. I earn every penny. I like that I work hard no matter what my paygrade is, it’s a pride thing passed down from my Grandpa McFadden. “Even a ditch digger has pride. If you are a ditch digger be the best ditch digger you can be!! That’s integrity.”

I may not have a lot of things, but those are just things anyway. I have love. Love for myself, love for others, and love for life. My room is small, and in the basement, but it is all mine. It has parts of me in it, so, still good.

I think, maybe, I am changing. I am becoming more. I am getting ready for tomorrow. I have no idea what it will be, but I plan to give it all I got. So, yeah. personal day.

Deal with one moment at a time. Look at today, tomorrow will take care of itself.

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Date? Um…..ack!

I don’t have a clue how to flirt, much less date. So, it freaked me out a teeny tiny bit when a guy at work joked about asking me out. Was he really joking? Please let him be joking!!! I am out of practice…in fact..never had a real date…like ever. Crap….

I am a dead woman.

I presume one wears dresses and stuff on dates right?

I am such a dead woman.

Here is the thing, my idea of an awesome date is Tacos and a home movie, preferably in a house, with pillows and not wearing a dress. Jeans and a t-shirt and lots of whacking one another with pillows.


What about reading a book on different ends of the couch while playing footsie and not wearing a dress, while taking frequent breaks to eat subs and bop to music?



A drive in the country with Fried Chicken, a couple cameras and not wearing a dress while watching the shadows appear as the sun goes down?


I got nothin

I am such a dead woman.

okay okay..I’ll wear a damn dress..but he better buy me daisies.

and a book.

or he’s a dead man.

(Who is this fictional dead man anyway?)

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I heart my sister

Sisters who know you, and your best memories, because they were part of them ( in fact are often the reason they are the best).

Sister Shay sent this:


<3 <3 <3

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Giggle of the day

There are many different kinds of princesses. Some of them need a prince to save them. The best ones, though, save themselves. Always be the second kind of princess. You don’t need anyone else to save you – unless they have pie. If they have pie, go ahead and let them save you. You can always save yourself down the road. You might not find another decent pie for days. – Aunt Tillie’s Wonderful World of Stories to Make Little Girls Shut Up

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Don’t Let Me Go by Catherine Ryan Hyde


To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, is my favorite book of all time. There was an honesty of voice, a kindness and truth, that left a clear and unforgettable impression on me. It was a book that didn’t pretty up truths. It spoke them. It spoke them honestly and with an understanding that children are always best at hearing things, when the adult forgets they are too young. Most adults clean up truths to make them more palatable to children, or at least, they think they are doing this for the child, the truth is, they are just too lazy to take the time to explain it in a way that a child will understand and no longer have questions.

I loved Scout. I learned from her the kind of person I wanted to one day be. Scout taught me to think for myself, come to my own opinions. Speak out even if am the only one to do so. To see people for more than their outer appearance. Scout taught me to see people, not for what they looked like, but for who they are, inside their heart.

Today, I read a book that made me remember all these truths. It is called Don’t Let Me Go  by Catherine Ryan Hyde. It’s the kind of book that changes you. Makes you think long thoughts and recognize dusty truths and forgotten hopes. It is a book that reminds me of Scout, and how much I learned from her. I have a new name to add to my list. Her name, is Grace.

Grace is loud. She is honest and brave and loud. Very enthusiastically loud. She is alive! She knows something most kids don’t. She knows the value in loving people without expectations. Just loving them because you like them. Even if they can’t love you like anyone else can. Maybe even in a way that is eccentric or stumbling. Just loving them, because you don’t mind that they have problems and a laundry list of issues. Because Grace has problems too. Her mom is a drag addict and Grace needs help. She sits on her front step because she hopes someone will help her. Because it needs to be someone who lives there, so she can still be near her mom.

Grace taught me new lessons. She taught me that I want to be someone who dares to love people, all people, even if they do their damnedest to be unlovable. To act unkind or defensive. To be brittle and sharp. To push away and slap. I have learned that I want to be the kind of person, who knows in her bones, that these are people afraid of being hurt. That love scares them the way hurt scares me. That being mean, is their quick way to get a person to leave, before they need them. So they won’t like them too much, only to lose them. Loneliness is sometimes preferred over the fear of loving too much and losing.

I am learning, from Grace, that in order to love people, you have to listen with your heart, instead of your ears. Sometimes you even have to pretend your ears are deaf, cause they say things that are perfectly designed to push you away. Only your heart can hear the whisper ” Please, don’t hurt me” She has taught me, that most people assume that no one cares about them. That they might have forgotten they are lovable, that they can love, even if they are ackward or bad at expressing that love. That all people need to be seen and celebrated. That maybe they didn’t realize that they lost hope of being loved for themselves and withdrew into some safe spot inside them.

It is in our loving that we find our truths. Love changes hearts. It does it slowly, with silent pressure. Teaches someone that they can do things they forgot how to do. Makes them come back to life. Shows them how to speak out loud, things they have kept inside, afraid no one else will care.

Grace is teaching me about the person I want to be. The person that I will build on the foundation Scout created within me. A me that continues the journey I began with Scout.

I am 50% done with this book. I cherish these pages. They feel like treasure. This book has a feeling to it. A kind of undercurrent of community the way you dream it is supposed to be. The kind of honest acceptance and love that I seek to find and cultivate in my interactions with others. The kind of person I want to be. I want to be like Scout. I want to be like Grace. I want to be a better version of myself, because every day I am learning how to be human and how to treat others humanely.

I think everyone should read this book. It has a beauty and grace that cleanses your soul. If you read nothing else all year, this is the one.


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A Little Something Different by Sandy Hall


This romance was such fun to read. It’s a story told from the viewpoint of 12 others around the couple. It was laugh-out-loud-joyful at times, because this is how it feels to watch someone fall into love and be witness to it.

Just a great read.

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The Moon Lenses: Quotable Passages

“Brimhat never looked you squarely in the eyes- it was all crooked moons and ellipses…no one trusted him and some even believed Brimhat didn’t even trust himself”

(Penny Snapple-) “Penny is one cent, she is good currency, but she doesn’t see the whole worth of her husbands ideas at times”

“She’s also giving her 3 cents worth of views”

“Penny Worth was her maiden name, kids called her Penny 3-cents”

“She keeps things level for the reader, so that the outlandish stuff shines”

(Mr.Snapple & Mrs Snapple)

” I bought these” and as he said this Mr Snapple took from his pocket a small packet of seeds, ‘ off a Mr Finn Flashfire’ he rattled the packet as he spoke.

“What kind of name is that?” said Mrs Snapple. ” It’s ridiculous.”

“He’s a Noonlander, they tend to ‘self name’ themselves” replied Mr Snapple

” and you thought Mr Flashypants was SO good a name that you bought this fish food?,” said Mrs Snapple

Mr Snapple pursed his lips. ” He was called Flashfire..”I’ve heard worse”. He said. “The fish food was on offer too” he added, then cleared his throat noisily “and who knows. Had I been born a Noonlander perhaps I might have a more attractive name than Mr Snapple.”

Mrs Snapple thought it ridiculous, but also knew, that Mr Snapple once bent down on one knee in a pigpen when he proposed to her…

She agreed with herslf, nodding unconsciously, that it was equally ridiculous..but concluded that there had to be some allowance for the ridiculous to be made in this world.

“Why not dress yourself in a fancy name then?”

He played with names like Mr Fancystraps, Mr Fancybuckles, or possibly, Mr Fancysuspenders, but laughed out loud when he got to Mr Fancyknickers.

(The Count enters the clockworks)

He shuffled slightly to the side and peered carefully around the edge of the window. Finding nothing frightening waiting out the window for him he slowly allowed himself to move more normally. Turning he reached for the door handle. His hand was curled around the warm metal when a sudden sound directly behind him had him spinning around in surprise.

The sound was distinctive. It had the warmth of metal and memory in it. A deep, melodious clang, that was answered by a softer upper clang of sound from another source across the room. Then there came another and another, from every direction now. Suddenly the room was alive with sound. Clocks, many of them, were suddenly opening themselves up or pushing their sound forth in varying tones and rhythms, each contributing in a slow awakening crescendo of carefully orchestrated sound. It was not like the clang and bang of other clock shops, this was like music. A carefully overlaying of sound that was merging with all other sounds. Instead of clashing or competing with the other clocks, these clocks, were harmonizing one with the other. It was startlingly beautiful.

The clock that had lead the procession ended first and each distinctive clock could be heard as they took their moment in the spotlight, before moving aside for the next clock, until, after a full minute had passed the very last clock sounded and died away, leaving the count breathless with a feeling of awe. It left the room with a silence that was more than silence. It was like being surrounded by a feeling of joy. It was the most comforting thing he had ever experienced. It was almost as if the room was…happy.

The Count found his hand dropping away from the door handle. He moved toward the counter as if in a trance until he was standing directly in front of the clock that had started it all. It was a big grandfather clock which presided grandly over the very center of the wall behind the counter. It was made of a kind of wood one knows instinctively is no longer able to be purchased because of the rarity of the tree it was crafted from.

The metal clockworks of this clock were crafted from silver instead of the traditional brass or bronze. Across the front of it was a delicate filigree of intertwined branches, leaves, blossoms and birds. It was so intricate and delicately crafted that it appeared as if a single touch would snap the silver completely off. The clock face displayed Chinese characters instead of the normal numerals, how odd. He thought to himself. It was almost as if the clock were reading words and phrases instead of time. The oddness continued as he became aware of the fact that the clock hands were facing in the wrong direction, in fact the second hand was moving..backward.

The Count tore his gaze away from the clock and gazed carefully about the room with more interest.

The lights in the shop were bright, but not aggressively so, there seemed to be just enough light to make every detail shine, but not enough to hurt your eyes in the gazing. Everything gleamed with a soft metallic glow. Along each wall were shelves, and upon those shelves sat shiny silver, gold, brass and bronze automatons and clockwork pieces. The pieces were displayed like art or expensive jewels. Which, the count determined, they probably were, if the glimmer of gold, silver and semi-precious gems he spotted were authentic. There was the presence of sound slightly muted now but clearly there underneath the silence, like when you are sleeping in a room and hear someone whispering quietly so as not to wake you. The muted feeling almost gave the impression that the room was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen, even if it was not quite sure what that something was going to be. 

(The Pirate ship)

‘Ah, the pirate ship..a good choice, if I may say so”

The pirate ship was made up of very expensive looking cloths for the sails and flags. The wood was warm and beautiful in patina.

“The key to wind this piece is tucked sway on the shelf there, with the tassled ribbon. There is only a small indention in the ship to show where the key is inserted. The key is, of course, a skeleton key, sir” said Mr Snapple as if he were speaking about a fond grandchild.

As he wound it, the sounds of the pirates shouting could be heard, as well as, waves and a great battle with cannons going off and swords clashing. It was riotous and chaotic, and the count, who wasn’t expecting one of the cannons to suddenly fire off in his direction, took a hasty step back.

Boom! The cannons jerked back and forth on their springs leaving realistic spouts of smoke from them with the accompanying sound of firing.

” I think Mr Biddley may have overdone the gunpowder.” said Mr Snapple, as the count got out his handkerchief and wiped his blackened brow. ” Really, sir, I do feel bad for not mentioning that it’s best not to stand directly over the ship.” and he expected the count to fire off a reprimand if his own, yet he continued smiling.

” Turn the key again” he said ” That was marvelous!”

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Well, hell…

I use to say “I’m sorry” all the time. It was as a result of always being under pressure emotionally and having to constantly defuse tension. It was weak, scared, and crippling. My best friend broke me of this self-effacing habit by yelling at me each time I gave this answer. He would say “Only apologize for things you,personally, did wrong, and only once Don’t repeat what you already expressed with your whole heart.”

Today, he taught me another lesson.

He said, ” When you say you don’t want to upset anyone, you are responding the same way you did when you said I’m sorry all the time. Let people be upset, if they are your family they don’t mind you upsetting them. They will want to be upset, because YOU matter, and so do your feelings, not just theirs. Let them be upset. Let them work things out with you. That way, you are part of the conversation and things get aired out. They might not be upset at all, but you anticipating that someone might, makes you worry until you feel separate from them. If they are your family, they WANT to hear your feelings. You matter.”

Something inside me always thought I was all alone.

Today, I learned I no longer am. My friends are my family, and they understand who I am, but even more crucially, who I want to one day be.

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Ginger Snaps

I just discovered Ginger Snaps. They are jewelry made with a snap-like connector on the back. They snap into necklaces, earrings, bracelets and other cool jewelry settings. I bought the necklace and my 1st snap at the Hallmark store. Really like mine. I got both for just under $25. I got the enamled green Tree-of-life Ginger Snap, and cannot wait to get my next one. At $8 each it is a small gift for myself that I can easily afford on my budget.


Here are some of the snaps they sell.

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Contemplating your smile

I like you.

The way you look at the ground, when you smile a real smile,instead of just a polite one.

The satisfied expression that peeks out, when you have said it, just right.

The way your hands drive your hair, into peaks and valley’s.

The quiet of your mind, as you consider, the best way to say, what cannot really be explained with words.

The silliness unexpected and sweet, that startles and confirms suspicions, long felt, about the nature of your private amusement.

The weary of you, shoulders tired from the leaning you offer.

The way you speak, the softness of your words, as you share your stories.

I like you.

I like you.

I like you.

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Forward facing

I will not lead you,

you are not a dog on a leash.

I will not follow you,

I am not a stalker.

I will walk.

If you are going,

where I am going,

we can walk together.

Singing music under our breath

Alerting one another,

to patches of glass.

Holding hands

in the dark times.

Smiling when the sun

is overhead.

Looking up,

in awe,

at the stars over our heads.

This is my journey.

I go without you,

or with you,

but still, I go.

This my journey,

you have your own.

I am just suggesting

we might like walking together.

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Today’s giggle


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September 26, 2015 · 5:34 am


“Ohana means family. Family means, nobody gets left behind..or forgotten”

I don’t know how to give up on people I have added to my heart. It takes a long, long, extremely long, time for me to accept people into it, for this very reason. I am completely incapable of ever abandoning them, once they are.

Part of my soul will always wait for the broken ones, to come back, once they are ready, for forgiveness and trying again. This is something about me that is part of my very soul.

One who loves me must understand this truth. I cannot let people go. There is no such thing as one past saving. There is, for me, only waiting to forgive and accept.

When a loved one returns to me. There may exist caution and considering, but always, there is love, waiting, for the ones I care about, to realize their worth, and the fact that I have not, for one moment, forgotten their value, even if, for a time, they have.

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Sewing Progress

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