It’s all about dialog

Fact: I talk to myself…inanimate objects…and anyone who stands still long enough for me to talk with..(this includes babies)

Fact: This may be the leading sign of someone who needs to be a writer. You know, to hide the fact we are NUTSO CUTLET.

Now I can say “I’m just working on dialog” instead of admitting that I just really like saying weird junk out loud.

Posted in Bekki

The thoughts that pop into my head 3 seconds after I wake up

Wouldn’t it be cool if every time someone said “I love you” to you a little heart appeared over your head? You’d know how loved you were and be aware of the people who need to be told or given a little more love cause theirs is getting a little low.

Of course mine would knock me over from too many hearts up there and I’d look like an inchworm trying to get to work.

(Posted  to Facebook)

Posted in Bekki

Left With Livvy

So, decided to keep going with the Livvy installments.

To explain:

Livvy stories are in installments instead of Chapters. Chapters are things that are tidy. A beginning, middle, and an end. A story is told with a logical series of events.

Livvy’s story, isn’t that kind of story. Her story is told in installments. You see bits, you see pieces. The thoughts and snatches of something. Missing parts are present. An incomplete puzzle told like a diary being read aloud but out of sequence.

The installments will slowly teach you who Livvy is, who Seth is, and who they are together. There is a mystery but I’m not gonna tell you what it is. If you come to love Livvy and Seth, you’ll learn that the best truth, is the one you discover within your own thoughts.

These stories might resemble my childhood sometimes. Other times it will resemble other people’s childhood. All of them will be approached with deep respect.

These stories are meant to be read and mulled over like a poem, instead of read all at once, like a book.

I hope you love Livvy. She has a very tender place inside my heart.

Bekki

Posted in Bekki

My name is Livvy

Hello My name’s Livvy, I’m Livvy and I’m always left.

Left behind. Left alone. Left wondering where I belong.

My mum drinks a lot, sometimes she drinks to remember. Sometimes she drinks to forget.

She yelled at the ceiling once. I think it was the ceiling, though, I can’t be certain really. She was lying on the floor flat on her back at the time.

It could have been the ceiling, or God, or the man in the moon, who she says is my father, because she won’t tell me who he really is.

Anyway she yelled at what might have been the ceiling, that she was cheated. Left with nothin. Left with no money, no future, and a damned kid to feed and raise.

Left with Livvy.

I’m Livvy. I’m always left.

So…Most kids would just try to make themselves small, like a mouse, not be a bother. Me, I decided I was gonna go left and see what left had to offer.

So, I’m Livvy and I went the way nobody goes naturally. Most people naturally go right. Did you know that? They did studies. People, when given a natural inclination, will go right.

Me? I figure I might as well see what others are missing going right all the time.

Left with Livvy.

This time because I chose my own direction.

I turned left and the first thing I found was Seth.

Seth is my best friend. The very first friend I’ve ever had.

This is my story.

I’m Livvy and I’m going left, if you wanna come, you are welcome to go left with me.

Left with Livvy. 

 

Posted in Bekki

The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley

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I’m finally going to read it! Everyone has been telling me about this book. Seriously! Some people even love the character, Flavia De Luce, so much they just about cry. Umm…ok. I totally need to see what the fuss is all about.

Now leave me alone while I read.

 

Posted in Bekki

January 15, 2017

I don’t just like the best bits of you. I like the bits that don’t fit into your closet. The bits you cringe over. Those bits are also you, and I like them because they are faults, and you don’t like them..which means you are aware of them.

I like that you take your hat off for photos, even though it leaves you looking rumpled, because the respect matters more to you than the photo. I like the rumpled you because he’s really in there. Rumpled you is sexy because he defines the core of your nature.

I like the impatience of you. The way you tap surfaces wanting to leap up and go. The zipping energy that constitutes your aura just as much as your personality. The way you can make people adore you or completely detest you, simply because your energy confuses or puzzles them into one choice or the other.

I like that music is your mana, your touchstone, your place to be just another moment. I like that you have that place to go inside yourself. He feels things, this guy. He has songs for memories, and songs for thoughts. His playlist is like a photo album of each passing feeling.

I like you. I don’t like you for what you do for a living, I like you for what you are that makes you live the dreams you dream. You have talent, but that talent isn’t all there is of you, it’s just what makes it so others can see you more clearly.

I like you, truly like you.

Bekki

Posted in Bekki

Thank goodness it’s over

What idiot thought 2 weeks off from work was a good idea?

Sigh*** This idiot.

Thank goodness I start back to work tomorrow. My own company is starting to make me lose my mind.

I hate sitting still. If I had my own place this wouldn’t be a problem. Being an introvert trapped in her room is really a pickle.

Work tomorrow. Yay.

 

Posted in Bekki

Birthday wish

My wish is for that feeling.

That feeling where everything is warm covers, and an invitation to snuggle up. Curved into someone’s body for an indulgent hour of what puppies experience in a puppy pile of sunshine and overlapped limbs.

Soft dark and drowsy conversation that speaks in whispers. Laughter that sounds slightly dirty because It’s said only in my ear and feels like chocolate.

True intimacy is the stuff of dreams.

Posted in Bekki

Dear Man I Haven’t Met: January 13, 2017

Today is the day after my birthday. I feel fine, but maudlin. I always take inventory the day after my birthday.

Aches and pains? Check.

Neck, sore.

Strange bruise on my kneecap (what??)

Slight migraine from reading screen in the dark WITHOUT glasses on..oops.

Plans for the day?: I got nothin.

Hamilton? My brain inquires…Probably.

Mostly I am lying here chastising myself for lying here.

This has gone on for an hour now.

 

Posted in Bekki

43 year old me

 

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I can’t say I’d change a thing. I kinda like being old enough to know why I’m not acting my age.

 

Heh heh heh

Happy Birthday Me!!!

Posted in Bekki

Chapter 18

Spent more time than can be considered normal looking to ensure that my character’s, who happen to be owls, can subsist on food other than furry prey…am happy to announce that they CAN. They eat frogs, salamanders, snakes, bugs and even fish.

Considering my lost birds are all pretty much owned emotionally by a little mouse named Tillie, I am understandably relieved.

I got a chuckle at about midnight when I realized my Robin, named Williams, is a lost bird…so fitting really. He’d have loved that, I reckon.

 

Posted in Bekki

Dear Man I haven’t met: January 9,2017

Sometimes grief presses down on me. It presses so hard I feel like a piece of paper. Thin and tearable. It’s during these moments that think about you. Imagine a life curled up along your stomach breathing each breath along with you. It helps me sleep.

It’s funny. I get loneliest when I try to be okay with being alone. The times I’m not lonely tend to be whenever I just let myself miss someone who hasn’t shown up yet. When I tell myself little stories about what kind of love would be best. Imagining you are real holds my sadness at bay.

I never pretended I wasn’t broken. I have broken so many times, I learned to put myself back together in self defense.  Now I know where each piece goes, and being broken doesn’t bother me anymore. What bothers me is everyone telling me I shouldn’t be broken.

Tv commercials, television, even my own family members. They think being sad is something to get over. That loneliness is something to be feared. Most of them drown it out with loud music, or games on Facebook. Me, I just think about things like trees, rocks and time. I stare at stars and imagine them staring back. I don’t mind grief, it has its own reasons for being.

I miss things that matter. Moments, connections, memories. Parts of me that are defined by things, or people, that went away. Who am I when those things leave? Am I still me?

I haven’t met you..but I like you. My idea of you is that you work really hard, maybe too hard, trying to prove yourself worthy of something nobody’s expected you to work so hard at. You are stubborn and you think too much. You really don’t know how to relax. It’s always a new project for you.

You also feel things deeply but damn you don’t trust easily. You have the only locked door that has another locked door behind it.

I wonder if I have defined you to the point you cannot be real.

I am not unhappy. Grief isn’t about unhappiness..it’s about longing for things you can’t have. I like myself and I don’t mind being lonely. The grief is just there…it does nobody any good denying it exists.

I grieve for my daughter. I miss her in my life. I am acutely aware at every moment, that I am missing years of her growing. Things like yelling at her to go to bed, to wake up, to do her homework. Preparing her dinner and making her cookies. I don’t get those moments. I want them, but you have to deal with what you get..not what you want to have. She’s a great person. I like her. She has a heart that swallows world’s whole. Her determination to be someone she cannot define, but is driven to becoming. She is someone that will become something..simply because she wants it so badly.

I miss my dad, my step-mom, and more people who passed away. People I barely had time to understand properly before they passed. They died before I knew I needed more time with them. I hadn’t understood the questions I needed to ask but didn’t, until they echoed in my waking moments wishing they could answer now that I thought of them.

I miss people who discarded me. Who through their own changing moved away from me. Who didn’t mean to hurt me, but managed it anyway. Those ones are the ones I work hardest to heal from. To forgive. Because I understand..I do. Even if the scars still hurt just the same.

I miss you. I haven’t met you yet but I miss your heart wrapped up snugly against mine. I want your laughter to shiver up my spine and make me say thank you to the cosmos for the millionth time. I want to argue with you over stupid things. Stupid things that mean I’m alive and properly crotchety. Things that I look forward to being annoyed by.

Sometimes I wonder why I think so hard about what you will be like..I think I know now. It’s so I don’t miss you when you finally show up. It’s so I’ll know immediately when you have finally arrived.

Is it ok that I like you?

Posted in Bekki

Chapter 18 & 19

I am working on editing the book from 1-17,  but am also working on Chapters 18-19. The continuity of the story-line is totally giving me fits. Suddenly realized part of my idea of using a tracking unit that downloads DNA is kinda illogical.Why would someone us DNA to track someone? #1 there isn’t really such technology in the world (Yet) and #2 a sensible person would most likely ask “Why doesn’t the person just hide the tracker on the person they are tracking instead? ACK. Kids catch me out every stinkin time.

So, I backtracked and changed the use of DNA as a simple marker or label for the tracker to identify the one being tracked by the device. That posed some really cool ideas. Like the use of multiple trackers on more than one person with the microchip identifying the one they are tracking with a DNA analysis. This means the spy can communicate to their team about who they are tracking without having to contact them directly. Therefore, if something say, “happens” to the spy they can determine who they last were following or trailing.

Yes, I know this is just a children’s book, but have you met them? They are smarter than NASA some of these kids! I know cause I gave birth to one of them. She literally sat on the kitchen floor for 3 hours staring at the refrigerator, at 4 years old, and concluded that there had to be a reason that there were hinges on both sides of the refrigerator door.Once I explained that the hinges not being used were so that you could change the side the door was placed on, for opening in the opposite direction due to say, a wall, she was content and wandered off again.

This is the same child that was utterly convinced she would go down the tub drain with the water when it left the tub and screamed bloody murder if I drained it while she was still in it. Go figure.

I also worked on the concept of an unusual version of a Palimpsest, that probably doesn’t exist in the world, but which I think would totally been the coolest thing, if it had. I can’t give it away though, as the book is titled Hamilton mouse and the Mystery of the Blank Book. Can’t go ruining the “Mystery” now can I?

Anyway, it is snowing outside. I am eating Hot Pockets, Coke, and some very nice Salted Caramel Cream ice cream (AH yeah!) which is supposed to have chocolate chunks in it, but of which I have only found 1 chunk of thus far.

What? Have we just met?

Ok, time to get back to work. Miss Templeton is stuck in a tree while I putz around after all!

Byeeee

 

 

 

Posted in Bekki

That moment when

You realise that (other than the ones you were wearing while you slept) you just put all your undies in the laundry.

If you need to leave the house you got 2 options left to you.

1) Wear dirty ones from last night (Ewwwww..pass)

2) Go commando

3) Wait for laundry to finish washing.

Dun. Dun. Dun.

I choose to wait.

(But I really want ice cream)

Shut it stomach.

Posted in Bekki

Packages away!

Z’s presents have been mailed. Yay!

I was totally late for a good reason..I bought more presents. Then I didn’t have enough for shipping..whoops.

It’s because I realized kinda late that the one gift she specifically asked for, I lamely forgot…so I bought it with the shipping money…I am dork.

Anyway! It’s totally mailed now. Z is going to be totally surprised..there are quite a few items in there. It looks like only a few because I put 3-4 items in each box and wrapped it that way..by virtue of the fact that I suck at wrapping anything not in a box.

I can’t reveal her presents as the lil stinker reads my blog. (Hi Z!)

But…I can show you this:

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I know, I know totally unsatisfying..but it will annoy the Heck out of Z.   Hee hee hee

Posted in Bekki

Journal Entry: January 8th, 2017

My BIL officially thinks I’m mental. Apparently going for a walk during a snowstorm is something he considers nutso cutlet.

I come from the country dude! Snowstorms aren’t scary unless crap is freezing and falling off ok!

Sheesh.

It was actually a lovely walk. I walked into the retail section of my area, stopped at Kmart and bought a new journal to record my research on Art Nouveau into. This is something I was taught to do when overcoming my Dyslexia. The teacher suggested index cards but I like to look back at the things I learn and refresh my memory soo yeah, journaling.

I also stopped and got a sub at Subway. I had fun really. Snow wasn’t very cold as it was like powder. Powder snow tends to insulate a bit. Even with falling snow I didn’t get chilled at all. I’m not sure what BIL was on about.

I think sometimes people get addicted to their cars. Even going a few blocks they drive, that’s just dumb.

I’m not sure if it’s from growing up in the country or having spent a year in England, but..

walking is something I like and enjoy…just wish I could have gotten photos for Kazza like she asked, but it was snowing too much to chance my Kindle.

Kazza is currently really hot in Australia. 🙂

I think she had hopes that seeing snow would make her feel cooler. lol

Home now and doing some sewing.

More Hamilton work tomorrow. My vacation is half over..::pout::

Birthday on the 12th…mumble mumble.

Posted in Bekki

#LOVE

I got my hat for St Jude Children’s Charity, did you?

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#LOVE

$5 buys this freaking cool hat at Kmart and brings hope to children who are preparing to kick cancers ass!

Families never receive a bill from St. Jude for treatment, travel, housing or food — because all a family should worry about is helping their child live.

 

Posted in Bekki

I’m cheating on you

I admit it, I’ve been cheating on you.

I’ve been working on another blog.

I know, I know! I just, really, really, love art.

Forgive me?

I have only posted 3 artists I am enamoured with so far (there are soo many more) but that will be remedied over time. I’d do a lot more if loading photos over a Kindle wasn’t so fiddly. I curse while posting off this thing often and have been known to meltdown over the problem of getting WordPress to stop reloading in edit whenever it doesn’t like my Kindle photo program (which is soo often I’d swear they were an old married couple).

I really should just give up and use my decrepit laptop.

Anyway check it out if you like art and enjoy seeing artists you might not have found before.

BekkiBerry Blog

Posted in Bekki

Novel

Subsistence on cleverness.

The stories in your eyes.

The wisdom in your silent brow.

The echo that never dies.

The wicked of your piercing thought

that twists your endless pause.

Your heart obeys the turbulent word

never concerning itself with laws.

To stand here like a photograph

Clicking paragraphs into place.

My mind forgets the plot

but never once your face.

 

Posted in Bekki

Dumb things that make me happy #1

I’m so stinkin happy to realize my “favorite person” wears his watch on the same hand I do even though we are both “Lefties”.

Officially I am a dork.

(Smile ain’t goin away though)

Posted in Bekki
Bekki B. & Poetry

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“Life is an amazing adventure, an improvised work of art and what’s more, the only thing you have, everything else depends on it, rejoice!”–Paul Squires November 19, 1963 – July 27, 2010

"Dizzy with color

Lost in hues and graces.

These echoes have faces."_Bekki B.

“The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.”― Louis C.K.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.---Robin Williams

"It’s easy to stay grounded. The ground is very close. And we walk on it every day."-Keanu Reeves

"If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person." William H. Swanson--(33 Unwritten Rules of Management)

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."--Mother Theresa

"What's this you're writing?" asked Pooh, climbing on the writing table.
"The tao of Pooh," I replied.
"The how of Pooh?" asked Pooh, smudging one of the words I had just written.
"The tao of Pooh", I replied, poking his paw away with my pencil.
"It seems more like the ow ! of Pooh," asked Pooh, rubbing his paw.
"Well, it's not," I replied huffily.
"What's it all about?" asked Pooh, leaning forward & smearing another word.
"It's about how to stay happy and calm under all circumstances!" I yelled.
"Have you read it?" asked Pooh.-- (The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff)

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― John Lennon

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever" Mahatma Ghandi

"Nanu Nanu" Mork from Ork

"Ohana means family. Family means, nobody gets left behind..or forgotten." Lilo

"This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." Stitch

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."
- Unknown

“Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing.” 
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

“The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience.” 
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

“I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.” 
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

“The people with the least to give always give the most. Haven’t you noticed that?”
― Catherine Ryan Hyde, Don't Let Me Go

"That’s all addiction really is. It’s trading away the future so you can feel OK right now.”
― Catherine Ryan Hyde, Don't Let Me Go

“Don’t judge him by your past. That belongs to you, not him.”(Kristen Painter--From Novel: Heart of Fire

"Sorry doesn’t mean shit. Not if you don’t plan to stop doing the thing you’re so sorry about. There has to be more to amends than just a word. Anybody can say a damn word.”
― Catherine Ryan Hyde, Don't Let Me Go

“If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know a man, don’t bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, of seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas; you will get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he’s a good man.”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. ”-Suzanne McMinn

"I feel that the truth is simply the truth. And that to shield someone from it is only a manner of treating that person with a lack of respect."― Catherine Ryan Hyde, When I Found You

“The fact that you don’t grasp the meaning of something doesn’t mean it has none.”― Catherine Ryan Hyde, When I Found You

“Most people prefer to think that their resentment is entirely the fault of the person they resent, and that twisted logic seems to make sense in their minds. But it makes no sense to me at all... But it's a popular point of view. Probably because it's so much easier. It relieves you of the burden of any and all self-examination.
(Nathan to Nat)”
― Catherine Ryan Hyde, When I Found You

“You can’t tell someone to pursue their dream only if it’s a good match for your own. You can’t dictate what dream he should pursue.” ― Catherine Ryan Hyde, When I Found You

"Nathan had never liked anger. It seemed a barbaric and undignified emotion. He knew it always masked fear or hurt, and had often wished everyone could simply be sensible enough to cut out the middleman.”― Catherine Ryan Hyde, When I Found You

“The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. At the darkest moment comes the light.” ― Joseph Campbell

“We all wind up drawn to what we're afraid of, drawn to try to find a way to make ourselves safe from a thing by crawling inside of it, by loving it, by becoming it.” ― Holly Black, The Coldest Girl in Coldtown

“To be or not to be?' That is not the question. What is the question? The question is not one of being, but of becoming. 'To become more or not to become more' This is the question faced by each intelligence in our universe.” ― Truman G. Madsen, Eternal Man

“…People are rivers, always ready to move from one state of being into another. It is not fair, to treat people as if they are finished beings. Everyone is always becoming and unbecoming.” ― Kathleen Winter, Annabel

“You have to grow. You have to be. You have to love yourself unconditionally.”
― Dominic Riccitello

“It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

“Human evolution has two steps -
from being somebody to being nobody;
and from being nobody to being everybody.
This knowledge can bring
sharing and caring throughout the world.”
― Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

“All I know is that I do not know anything”
― Socrates
“There are times when wisdom cannot be found in the chambers of parliament or the halls of academia but at the unpretentious setting of the kitchen table.”
― E.A. Bucchianeri

“As to the roaming of sages,
They move in utter emptiness,
Let their minds meander in the great nothingness;
They run beyond convention
And go through where there is no gateway.
They listen to the soundless
And look at the formless,
They are not constrained by society
And not bound to its customs.
- Lao-tzu”

“The Purpose of Philosophy is to fall in Love. To strip the world of all its clothes, and fall in Love with it as it stand before you completely naked.”
― Ilyas Kassam

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