I thought I was just a circle

returning once again.

Same pattern, same view.

Then, I thought maybe I was a spiral,

moving slowly forward,

expanding myself,

onto a new enlightened path.


I realized suddenly

when I saw you smile,

that I am part of an infinity knot.

An endless knot of love.

I’ve been here many times,

but couldn’t leave you.

I twisted right back into you, 

for that turn contains knowledge

of the way back home.

Let me show you

“The way”


Leave a comment

October 1, 2016 · 5:58 am

Time away

I’m going to be away from the computer for a few days. Something has happened and I just need some time.

I’ll return soon.


Leave a comment

September 28, 2016 · 4:36 am

Peace has arrived

My very 1st Momiji doll has arrived! I plan to become a collector of Momiji and Kokeshi dolls. It took me a long time to settle on a collection of something I wouldn’t mind dusting regularly.

Her name is Peace, and she’s a message doll.

What’s the difference between the types of dolls?

What is a Momiji doll?

Momiji [‘mom-ee-jee’] is a brand of collectible, hand-painted dolls inspired by Asian style and contemporary illustration. Each Momiji has a small space in the base to hide a secret message on a blank piece of folded card which is included with the doll.

What are Kokeshi dolls?

Kokeshi (こけし こけし ?, kokeshi), are Japanese dolls, originally from northern Japan. They are handmade from wood, have a simple trunk and an enlarged head with a few thin, painted lines to define the face. Generally traditional Kokeshi dolls have no visible hands and feet, but modern styles have begun including them.



Leave a comment

September 23, 2016 · 3:19 pm

Christmas Ambition

My co-workers mean a lot to me. They always have my back and support me. Even when we fuss at each other, they always have my back.

This Christmas I plan on making each member of my team an individual cross-stitch pillow ornament. This is very ambitious as there are 19 of them to make these for.

I have done this only once before, For Z’s kindergarten class. It was extremely fun. I really enjoyed the project. It turned out to be Z’s teachers very first class as a new teacher ( she wasn’t allowed to tell people it was her first year) and I was really excited to have made it, in some small way, more memorable.

I hope I have enough time to do this right.

Here are some of my past accomplishments:

Here is my 1st pillow ornament work in progress:


Leave a comment

September 23, 2016 · 2:59 pm

I’d like you to meet my very 1st best friend

When I was a child I took my best friend everywhere. I loved him until his hair fell out, his nose rubbed raw, and his arms and legs had been sewn back on too many times to mention.

He was blue and white, had orange hair, and was named Alfie.

He was the best.


My daughter, Z had her own best friend, just as I did, his name was Bug..and she loved him until he was, quite literally, only strings.

He was a musical pull-string crib toy with a music box inside his head. He was a used toy before Z even got him.

We hung him on the side of the crib to help put Z to sleep to the music. We went to check on her one night and found him pulled into her crib with her. Since his head was still tied to the post by the strings she was holding on to it desperately in her sleep. It was obvious she had worked very hard to keep him in the crib with her, probably after several incidents of him sliding out and dangling by that string. We took pity on her and untied him so she could hold him in her sleep.

The  morning we woke to screams of delight. She refused to let go of him even once after that day. Here is the bug bulletlist of historic events:

*Age: 6 months-Discovers bug and pulls him into her crib

*Age:  1 year old-Bug receives his 1st operation after being used one too many times as  weapon with music box in his head (plus multiple washes made the music box rusty) and becomes stuffed with clean cotton. Pull string is removed and body is filled in with cotton.

*Age 2:  re-attachment of head string that Z wraps around her fingers while sleeping.

* Breaking Z of the string once it can no longer be attached is like being in hell. (It takes 3 weeks to accomplish)

* Age 4:Bugs head falls off. Mama desperately tries not to laugh. He goes by Frankenbug for 2 weeks and sports a new red thread scar across his neck. Mama adds a colorful heart ribbon to his neck to hide his injury. This eventually falls off from wear.

* Age 5: Bugs face develops a hole. This. Is. Bad.

*Age 6: Cotton can no longer be kept in bugs huge holey head. Cotton slowly falls out of numerous holes in bugs head and body.

* Age 7.: Bugs body is  essentially a hull.

*Age 8: Bugs body disintegrates into nothing more than strings.Eventually strings disappear into the universe.

* Age 9: Mama surprises Z with a Christmas present. A hand-made pillow version of  Bug cross-stitched as an exact replica.






Leave a comment

September 21, 2016 · 11:32 pm

Notes to self: September 21st, 2016

There are some naughty things worth gaining weight to experience. Talenti Gelato: Caramel Cookie Crunch is one of them. AMEN sister.

Never underestimate the power of a determined woman who has a great idea and a USB stick.

I bought a citrus scented melt block for my scented wax warmer . I may never leave my room again. I am totally serious. If I didn’t need an income, food, and the occasional shower, I would NEVER leave my room again.

Fall. Your favorite season is FINALLY here. You know what that means right?



Leave a comment

September 21, 2016 · 10:40 pm


My friend, Kazza wants me to visit her in Australia. We both wish it could be in January (we are both Cappi’s) but March is more budget possible. It would be AMAZING, if we could pull it off. It would mean saving $100 a month for my half of the cost, but it would be soo…

Cannot express.

Strangely enough, flying out of Cleveland is more expensive then going to LA and flying from there. How weird is that? So..we are going with the assumption I will fly out of LA. Another place I have never been.

Most of this is just dreaming ATM. One thought keeps me hopeful…STATE. INCOME. TAX. RETURN.


Leave a comment

September 21, 2016 · 10:26 pm

Confession time

I don’t know when it became obvious but, I have become a fully fledged Asian art lover. It all started with these beautiful Geisha bookmarks I couldn’t get enough of looking at. Then I noticed these elaborately decorated Cross-stitch patterns. Momiji dolls and Kokeshe dolls. The Mooshu world in Wizard 101 and a compulsive need to own all things Mooshu styled in my characters house.

I love Korean music, Asian dramas, and Asian simplicity. I deeply respect Asian culture and I really, really love the concepts of Asian philosophy. some point I became deeply committed to all things Asian. I am starting to think I need to visit these places at least ONCE in my life.

I still love Art Nouveau and Art Deco to an extreme extent, but both draw a lot from Asian culture, so it just works beautifully.

So..I confess. I am not Asian and I can’t get enough of Asian culture.

So sue me.

Ps. I just bought my very first Momiji doll.


Leave a comment

September 18, 2016 · 4:36 pm


It’s kinda embarrassing when your friends know you this well. Still true, but embarrassing.🙂


(posted to my Facebook wall by Lori.)


Leave a comment

September 18, 2016 · 1:28 am

W-Worlds Collide

Just finished watching the K drama series W…reaction:



I feel like I just did mental yoga.

It was awesome.

Leave a comment

September 17, 2016 · 9:32 am

*Side note* of sass

I’m in love with my heating pad, at the moment. He’s not marriage material though. He’s only good in bed.


Light kidding on my Facebook wall today.

I’m home with really bad cramping. No, squeamish people they aren’t THOSE kind.


More like “I sat on the floor for 4 hours without back support playing a game online because I am an idiot!” Kind.

My body is not use to sitting still so long playing games anymore. I usually get bored after an hour. The reason it was four hours was due to a new aspect of the game called fishing.

Yup. Fishing. I am an idiot.

I have received at least 5 lectures and 2 bedroom drive-bys.

I’ll be fine.

The heating pad helps.


Leave a comment

September 12, 2016 · 12:14 pm

Cracks me up

Co-worker mom-friend at work: “I got home and my son, instead of hugging me, only wanted the milkshake I bought”

Me: (Starts grinning with evil intent)

A Fellow co-worker catching on: “Don’t do it Bekki!”

Me: “My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..”

Second fellow co-worker: ” Damn right! It’s better than yours!”

Third Fellow co-worker joining us from elsewhere: “I could teach you, but I’d have to charge”

Fourth fellow co-worker: “Na na na Nahhhh…”

Co-worker mom-friend: (Mock glares)

Much cackling ensues.


Leave a comment

September 11, 2016 · 8:15 pm

Thought of the day


Leave a comment

September 11, 2016 · 8:07 pm

The Dr and Miss Abbott

Whoa, Miss Abbott! Get some!!!


Tee hee hee

Web toons are getting all romantical lately.

First Winter and now Miss Abbott.

Looks over at Frost and quirks an eyebrow.

That would freak me out..Though, I would love to see Pavlov (doggy) kisses.



Leave a comment

September 11, 2016 · 7:49 pm

Sometimes startled moments happen

FB_IMG_1473567575422.jpgA few weeks ago I got mugged. I didn’t realize, but it happens to people all the time. The way I felt afterwards was kinda mixed. I knew it was random and it was just a kid, but the event upset me deeply. I wasn’t prepared for how it made me feel. I kept replaying it in my mind, trying to see what I did wrong or decide if I acted correctly according to my sense of integrity and honor.

You see, more than anything, I just wanted to treat the situation with the ethics I strive to uphold in my spiritual path. That is part of living my religion. It is the “way”. As many of you know, I follow the Taoist faith.

It is a religion about finding your truths and discovering the path. I want to live up to my own ethical beliefs. Until something happens to you, you cannot truly know if you have become what you pray to be. What you do without thinking, shows who you have become.

Though something happened that I wish hadn’t, I have learned much about myself I never would have discovered.

I also learned about the people in my life.

My family took me to the police station without complaint, made sure I was ok, gave me lifts and hugs.

One day I discovered new headphones in my locker. For my next Kindle. Do you know how that small gesture helped me heal? That timely reminder that I will go on. That things will be ok? “Here, you’ll need these” a simple thing, but extremely important to my souls needs in that moment.

I kept randomly crying at odd moments. Secretly worried I’d see that girl again and afraid I wouldn’t know what to do, or say. She and her sister struck me. It wounded my heart to have another person do something I would never have done to her, as a pacifist. It also angered me, to be forced to dislike a person, when all I want is to follow the path of loving others. Ghandi. Mother Theresa. Jesus. I want to follow these people’s example. This is who I am, and the anger I felt worried me.

The people I work with humble me. They offered lifts, smiles, encouragement and quiet understanding. I didn’t realize people had learned me so well. So well they respected me and loved me, just the right way for who I am inside. They showed respect for my personal dignity..and it matters. It matters and I noticed.

So, today..these people. They lead me to the front of the store. A group of purple shirts and excited faces greeted me. I was very confused and startled. They presented me with a card. The card alone took my breath. The sentiment showing, once again, that they know me and what I needed better than I did. They know me. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize.

Inside the card. A $70 gift card for Amazon, to put books back onto my new Kindle. A Kindle I named Tadashi, and was never once teased about naming. These people. How can I? How can I show them that the Gift card, while amazing, wasn’t the reason I cried like a complete dork of epic proportions? It wasn’t the Gift Card, it was that other gift.

I have a family I work with. My family. All of them. Mine. Always.

I don’t ever let go of people. These people are mine. Forever.

I think, in the end, I got more than that mugger did. Her soul will encounter Karma. I will not say that I am any better than she, for I don’t know my past lives and the lessons learned from them. I will say, that in this life I am choosing a path that leads me to honor these people who believe in me. These people. These people that make me want to be a good person that treats others the way I want to be treated..

I am truly blessed.

Leave a comment

September 11, 2016 · 12:05 am

The family dream

I love my daughter…have always been delighted by being a mom, but, I never wanted to stop at only one child. That was more about circumstances. That’s why, this dream was so touching.

I was standing with someone and another person came up behind me. They placed a child on my shoulders and I instinctively grabbed them to keep them steady. The child giggled with complete delight. In my dream came a thought ” My son”

I think my heart exploded. He look down at me, which made him upside-down in my dream. His eyes brimming with glee at surprising me. (More than he knew) I got the impression that he was here to escort me to his dad, like it was his daddy given mission of sorts. Whoa! Daddy??!! Heart palpations in abundance.

Now, here is the thing, my son had brown eyes. In my dream I knew his dad did too…which gives me just enough of a clue to kill me..cause that only eliminates a small portion of THE ENTIRE WORLD.

I  hope this dream comes true…cause I love that kid.


Leave a comment

September 10, 2016 · 10:53 am

Bald men are ruined for butterflies dream

Bits and pieces.

A man causes death, then saves people from a train accident by blocking their cars just in time to prevent the collisions.

SHK, explaining in an impromptu setting about how bald men are ruined for butterflies, whilst one lands on a bald man’s head, as the room of men all heartily agree.

He also explains:

How Asian men refuse to integrate into American culture because it means losing their own culture.

Then he makes a pink long-coat go through a set of metal springs and land constricted by the centrifugal force onto a rivals head like a very large shower cap.

Lots of male laughter, and a very confused me.

My dream was very strange indeed.

Leave a comment

September 10, 2016 · 5:09 am

Unorthodox Angel

Livvy felt her feet slip, then her hand burn as the rope slid across her palm. She felt her flashlight tumble from her hand and foolishly watched as it fell down below her onto the forest floor. She had a momentary thought that she would probably land on it when her hand gave out. She fingers tried to grip but the rope was too hard to feel with cold fingers, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for, at the very least, a broken leg.

Just as her hand lost purchase she felt something warm grab hold of her wrist. She looked up into the face of an angel. She almost snorted out loud. “The face of an angel” really?

but, it was kinda true that Seth, at that moment, kinda did look like an angel of sorts. His head framed by the pen flashlight he held between his teeth. His wild tumble of blonde curls bouncing as he lay on his belly reaching below the tree-house floor holding Livvy like his life depended on it. “It’s ok Livvy” he grunted “I won’t let go.” So, yeah, a little bit like an angel just now..

Livvy privately put that thought away, there was nooo way she was ever admitting that thought had ever occurred. Seth was just, Seth after all! She wasn’t the romantic sort, and wasn’t about to start mooning over the guy who devoured sandwiches and sometimes forgot to close his mouth while doing so.

He grunted again and it was so non-romantic that it helped her reorient herself, he slid back until her upper body was propped against the floor and only her feet dangled down below. He would probably have pulled her all the way in, but the tree-house was only so big. He was practically leaning out the other side now.

“Smooth move! Dopey! Next time put the flashlight away before climbing the really slippery rope up the big tree ok!”  Livvy smiled slightly, Seth, angel-like? Yeah, right!




Leave a comment

September 7, 2016 · 11:06 am

This poem is a lullaby

This poem is a lullaby
to all my hopes, my fears.
A distracted sending off
to the passing painful years.
A wicked grin, a Mickey Finn
a crazy walk in forgotten shoes.

This poem is a lullaby
to what all came before
a shuffling step toward something new
a grateful showing of the door.
Though, I let go
Though, I let go
It’s not a ballad anymore.

This isn’t an angry rant or sigh
It’s just a silent lullaby.
Gratitude and closure
Releasing things I lost.
Not counting, not measuring
not adding up the cost.
Though, I let go
Though, I let go
It’s not an anthem anymore.

Soft, with love
Slow with wisdom
Gentle with remembered respect.
It’s time to go now.
It’s time to grow now.
Time to unlock that secret door.

Cause, this poem is my lullaby
and lullabies bring peace.


Leave a comment

September 6, 2016 · 7:02 pm

There was a truly beautiful seed

It started small
like dreams will do
and became something green
and really new.

so tender, so tender,
so ready to fly
on the edge with a feeling
a laugh and a cry.

first trusting
then fearful
each moment a fragment
yet inexplicably closer
drawn in like a magnet.

Hands reaching
limbs stretching
learning the route
making a memory
figuring it out.

Then sudden flowering
a buzz, then in bloom
dancing with breezes
scent of perfume.

What started a seed
is now come up flower.
A truly beautiful seed
has become someones bower.


Leave a comment

September 4, 2016 · 10:31 pm