It’s time to travel. 2 more days. This trip has a lot of uncertainty and emotion in it. I am, at the heart of myself, a healer. What I never learned how to do with my hands, I try to do with my words. There are people to share my weird life viewpoint with. Will they even hear me? Who do I think I am anyway?
My heart keeps talking. It reassures me that it will be ok. That I need to trust in my path and just walk forward. Why does that feel like the precursor to a life-changing event?
My heart says there is this something coming. Something that matters, and I must let my heart lead the way, tempered by my mind, which knows my hearts limits now. It’s like saying hello and goodbye, at the same time.
I have to admit I can’t just blindly give what others want from me, because my heart matters too, and no one is served by false affection. I can only be true to the friendships I have created, give them honor and integrity. This particular truth was bar-none, the most painful to learn.
A new day is on my horizon. I know what I want to be now. I understand who I am and what I need to be content. It goes counter to what I have always been taught. “Don’t be a burden, don’t be selfish” the thing is, one must always be selfish with what is, at the core of them, the thing they need to be happiest. I seek to harm none, but I know what I need to be happy.I need me. I need my own peace. I need to be true to me.
She has been patient, my heart, and it’s time, past time, that I let her be content with whatever comes for her now. She doesn’t need anyone to complete her anymore, it’s more about seeking the companionship she knows is waiting to walk next to her. My heart is picky. She only wants the right heart, else she won’t bother, and I find I am perfectly ok with that waiting.
I have decided.
I know I may never find the heart I seek to love, but thats ok. I like my own company. I will wait.