Grape Cluster thinking

I never realized, but…I go to sleep differently than other people. My mind runs like a freight train most of the time. I just have a lot of thoughts. My mind sometimes feels like a cluster of grapes. One thought connects me to another thought, and that thought leads me to another..and so on, until I have a head full of thoughts and very little sleep.

Here’s an example…take a random word….let’s see.


Here is a running dialog of what I think in my head

Bird, Nevermore, Animal totem, Hair color, character in cartoons with Beast Boy and Robin ..also a bird. Robin’s are harbringers of Spring, I wrote a poem about that…it’s on my blog here somewhere. Poetry…Edgar Allen Poe….also a poet, Quoth the Raven. Black. The inclusion of all color, white is the absence of color…White knight is considered the good side, however, in Korea..a black knight is a male who rescues the lady from over-drinking, by taking her shot for her (to refuse  can be considered an insult).

See what I mean? That was just 5 minutes in my head…imagine this happening all day long..and especially bad, as one tries to go to sleep.

So, as a teen, I developed a habit to get myself to sleep. I’d imagine a scene  like a book or movie. I’d sketch out the characters, the scenery, the emotions,the conflict, the tension..I’d imagine how the events would logically conclude. I would create, in my mind, an entire story. Generally, as I wrote my story, in my head, I’d fall asleep. I have built onto the stories so long, that some of them, are like old worn books to me.

I have been doing this for about 24 years now. My head is getting kinda full, but I love every single one. I have even gotten so I will wake from an extremely detailed dream and add onto it before becoming completely awake. It’s like a half-dream state. It feels like the way I hear runners describe Zoning out into a meditative state when they run.

I never realized everyone didn’t do this. I think maybe this is where my storytelling/writing urge comes from. Wanting to put my imagined dreams onto paper.

I wonder.