Apparently Facebook has discovered that I am single. I am getting friend requests. I have fallen for this trap before, I am sooo..not going there again.

What am I talking about? I’m talking about men who send you a friend request, and the minute you accept (thinking maybe they are a friend of someone you know) they write you a short blurb/come-on cleverly crafted to alert you to the fact that they are not even a tiny bit realistically interested in friendship or knowing a single thing about you. Mainly, it goes like this ” Ur Pretty.” or Hi there beautiful”

Ok, so many women would absolutely flip for this, eat it right up. Those women are not me. Me, I get suspicious and sarcastic…mainly at the same time. See, I don’t like shallow compliments, I find them insulting especially, after only 30 seconds of knowing me. I like conversation. Actual dialog. Real commentary. I could give a flip, if you think I am pretty. I know myself, like myself, have a really good sense of self-worth..I don’t need you to say I’m pretty..cause dude, I am soooooo not the pretty type. I don’t even wear, ever.

I also take a long time to warm up to someone. I am annoyingly self-sufficient. I don’t need my ego fact, leave my ego the hell alone altogether! I am bored by frivolous makes me bonkers. I can smell bullshit…I can also sense sincerity.

I have never really understood women who want to be told they are pretty. To be bought drinks and leered at. To be lavished with jewelry and expensive junk. This stuff bores the hell out of me. I don’t do bars. The guy who shows up with a copy of “To Kill a Mockingbird or A Wrinkle in Time” Who likes Jet Li and the latest Kung Fu movie. The guy who likes a woman that shares stories from her life with him and shares his own. He’s the guy that’s getting my phone number. We may not become more then friends in the end, but the guy has potential.

What I really want to know, is if you have a working knowledge of Taoism? If you know who Brown Eyed Soul is? If you’ve ever read Frost? If you prefer Emerson or Thoreau? If you ever read a book of poetry? If you consider Philosophy or delve into concepts that mattered to Ghandi. If you have ever sung “Happy, Happy, Joy Joy” for someone’s birthday or butt danced on your bed. If you have ever traveled to Korea, or China. If you possess anything resembling art in your home. If you have thoughts dammit, thoughts!

I want to know if you care about something. I want to know if you have interests. I am 42 years old for Fucks sake!! I have an almost 15 year old daughter. I was married for 13 years and divorced, I don’t need to get laid nearly as much as I need someone who can call me at 3 am and really talk to me. Or, barring that at least distract me from a panic attack by tossing chocolate at me.

I NEED…a real person. With bills, worries, and possibly conversation.