The business of being Bekki


There was a time when I spent all my time on the computer.

It was 2008.

Z became my wake up call. I was soo obsessed with playing a game online I would zone out. Spend full days on the computer doing nothing but playing a character. She climbed the counter one day to get food from the cupboards because I had ignored her. I was completely gutted to realize I had become a zombie.

I took a vow and quit television and the internet cold turkey. For one full year I didn’t watch any television or log onto the computer except to blog and take college courses.

Instead, I went for walks with Z. Went swimming, got my learners permit, started online college, went bowling, played in the rain and read tons of books.

I lost 60 lbs. I discovered I have a gift for writing. That Z and I are magical when we are together. Learned who my daughter is. Learned how to cross-stitch as a means of learning patience. Learned that there is more to me. So much more, than a person sitting playing a game.

There were so many changes.

I divorced my husband. Learned how to balance my own check-book, how to buy things and budget my money. How to be a roommate, how to take a bus, fly internationally, how to take photos and laugh out loud. I learned how to love myself.

I learned…that I like learning things. That I like laughing. That people inspire me. That I like trees an awful lot.

It’s been 8 years and I don’t regret my awakening. I just don’t think I’m done yet.

I still can’t get use to watching television. I get ansty and need to move. The internet, I still use frequently, but now..it’s about connecting, learning, and discovering things. I can’t play games for more than 20 min at a time without getting bored. I don’t socialize or spend time on chat boards. I spend about 4 hours online maximum. I do admit, however, admit to never being off my Kindle for very long..I use it for everything. (Reading, Skype, calender, work schedule, bus schedule, letters, blogging, music, photographs, calculator, and online subject searches to name a few)

When not using my Kindle I take walks, sew, shop, cook and volunteer.

It still startles me. That I have this person inside me that I like. That I want to make into more. That I seek to embrace and expand. I still want to see what else I can do.

So…I’m giving myself a challenge for 2017 to complete this list:

  • Travel somewhere for a vacation by myself. I’ve travelled alone many times, but I’ve never just picked a place that I want to go and just gone. I’m thinking I want to go to California for 3 days, even if I have to stay at some cheap-ass hotel and take the bus to save money. I wonder how much it would cost.
  • Buy myself an entire wardrobe of clothes that I like. I tend to only buy what will get me by. I’m soo lacking in pretty clothes I probably resemble a mop. The only rule will be *** I  have to buy what makes me feel pretty.***
  • Decorate my room with art and fabrics I love.
  • Eat healthy food that makes me feel good.
  • Make self care a priority. Yes, I can buy perfume, yes, I can buy lip gloss and hair dye and pretty hair accessories. It’s not being frivolous to make myself look nice. It’s not wasting money if it makes me feel good about myself.

There. I feel better now.

 

 

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