I sometimes have weird dreams, but this one upset me soo much I feel excruciating sadness and despair. Like I killed someone.
In the dream a black fly was annoying me, you know how they get right in your ear like they are doing it on purpose? I wanted to use a Flyswatter on it, it was that annoying. So, I did. I squashed him…only, it made me feel real bad. Then suddenly he was a gecko and looking at me with these sad eyes and I KEPT ON HITTING IT!! I beat the Damned things brains out!! It looked at me the whole time. WTFF?
I feel bad when I kill a Damned fly, so why the Hell would I hurt a living creature like that?
The answer? I wouldn’t! I fucking wouldn’t! I use to cry when the Geckos got stuck in the apartment in Florida and we’d find them (or the cat would) all pale white from the lack of heat and being in the AC and/or starved to death.
I once felt bad for flushing in freaked out reaction when I found a frog in the toilet, while I was tinkling into it! I saved him and took him outside apologizing the whole way.
I only ever feel fine about killing cockroaches, and flies, those fuckers climb on you and that’s just not cool. Little Bastards. (There is a whole cockroach nightgown incident that I am emotionally scarred over that explains that one)
I woke up utterly freaked out and crying. The thoughts I had in my dream were just soo wrong. Soo..NOT.ME.
WTH WAS THAT!!
Someone get me a shrink. I’m totally freaked out.