If you love an introvert please consider this valuable information.
I don’t know if I speak for all Introverts, but I do speak for this one, when I say
“Please stop unexpectedly planning on me”
As an introvert I hate this habit more than any single thing to do with Extroverted people.
What is unexpectedly planning?
Here is an example:
Buses don’t run on certain Holidays in my town. Since I work in retail this can be somewhat a problem 3-4 times a year. Luckily for me I live with family, namely my sister and her husband.
They are kind enough to give me lifts on these days.
Now, what I am about to say may sound like complaining about people who have done me a nice turn. Please don’t misunderstand me. What I am talking about is ignorance of comfort levels and not a lack of kindness. They are kind and I totally appreciate it.
HOWEVER,I will also be gritting my teeth while I say thank you..because…
They are forever taking me other places after they pick me up from work. Planning outings.
Now, I am not adverse to a stopover at a grocery store, or a quick run into the bank. Nope. I am perfectly ok with that.
What makes me want to walk home instead of getting a lift ever again, are the unexpected plans that includes visiting other people instead of taking me home.
I am an introvert.
Spending 8 (or in my case 10-12) hours with strangers traveling on the bus to work, working a shift in retail, and traveling home from work again, is already pushing my comfort levels. By the time I get home I feel like a deflated balloon.
Asking me to accompany you to a party or gathering of people you know but I do not, and that you haven’t informed me about in advance, is like asking me to let you stab me with a few knives, run salt over it, and then take photographs.
It’s called Unexpected planning because it is usually not something one has been informed was going to be happening.
It generally makes me feel extremely uncomfortable for however long they feel like keeping me captive at another person’s home or event location. Generally this translates into HOURS of time I didn’t expect or anticipate.
I like people. Love visiting people. I even love outings. What I don’t like, is being told I have no choice on if I go there or not. Being told I now have to wait to recharge my depleted batteries AND find some enthusiasm to share with people I didn’t expect to interact with for an unknown amount of time.
Yes, I know. It was lovely of them to give me a lift home. What it isn’t is comfortable.
I am an introvert. Having someone anticipate my feelings would really, really make me happy.
I hate feeling like the world’s biggest downer. I especially hate people telling me I am being inconsiderate of the people willing to do me a favor. I am not trying to be inconsiderate. I am just plain tired. No one is at their best when they are completely drained of emotional availability. Once an introvert reaches the threshold of their energy they cannot be anything but what they are…completely exhausted.
Generally they will put in effort but they will not be their usual cheerful self. They may even become sullen or sarcastic. They are not at their best and they Damned well know it.
So please, I beg you. If you love an Introvert, let them know before things happen, that they are happening. Being told as you get into the vehicle that you aren’t going home for hours is really really hard to take without internal screaming and cursing. Asking them as you drive off if “this is ok with you right?” Is not really helpful, your kind gesture of picking them up will demand they lie and lying just makes it 20% more uncomfortable.