Ever have a day at work where you feel frazzled but surprised by the realization that you are vital to the whole of it?
I mean, I know I am a hard worker, but today I did something sorta new with that insane rush of retail. Today I kinda, sorta, let myself just have fun even though I was frazzled. I made dorky jokes and flirted outrageously with every single baby that appeared before me.
I rushed forward to help and tried to be kind to everyone, even those slightly annoyed or annoying. I discovered that good or bad my day passes and only I determine which it is, because it still ends even if I don’t enjoy it, so why the hell not?
It really was a frazzled day, but I kinda didn’t mind this time.
I am happy inside and I think I finally managed to let that contentment bleed slightly into my workday.
Still me, of course, still worry-wart and longing, but I like me just as I am. I am happy, even if I have moments of less than happiness. Hard to explain but, even in my uncertainty I am at peace with feeling my true feelings, even if I am discontented. I am learning that happiness isn’t a state of being always happy, it’s acceptance of yourself whatever way you are at the moment.
I am still walking my path.
I understand now what they mean when they say to stop during your hardest, most tearful moments and say “Thank you”.
I get it now.