True thoughts at 1 am

My heart is heavy with wondering. It’s not sadness, it’s uncertainty. I don’t know where I will go next.  I feel my need for more than this, but haven’t a clue where to start. My heart urges me to figure it out. Why do I feel 100, but also like a newborn? The strangeness of two things that shouldn’t be felt together, but somehow is exactly me. Me, in this moment. 

I don’t know tomorrow. I am open and waiting for the new, but my heart has seen so much. Already soo much. I want to sleep a million years but  also want to leap up and begin something.

Oddly, this too is me. This gangly newborn deer feeling. Stumbling and uncertain, but also knowing something about something. I have been new before. I don’t fear this new thing, but I know I need rest for the coming days of whatever new light seeks me.

Time for sleep. Tomorrow begins a new footsteps. Though, I have no idea what comes or where I go.

Finish the book. Then, we will see.