I just read an article about a daycare worker who slammed an infant into a wall from frustration. The child crawled into a chair with a comfort blanket and died.
Crawled into a chair for comfort. I want to not feel what I am feeling because it hurts, but no…I will feel it, because I need this visual image in order to remember always this promise I am silently making. I promise this to that little soul that died:
“May my fingers fall off before they hurt a child. Let my body rebel against my very soul. Let my heart stop in a bid to stop me. May my entire system reset itself, delete itself, destroy itself before it allows me to ever contemplate such a thing as harming another just because I am frustrated, annoyed or angry.”
I understand that people lose their sense of place. That they do things in moments of deep stress, but there is always a moment to decide to let that part of you out. There is no such thing as unthinking reaction. You react on the second but that second of decision still exists.
I pray, with my entire being, that my infinite soul breaks to pieces in effort to contain my core beliefs rather than betray that which makes me myself.
There is no greater duty in life than the duty to preserve life. Even from ourselves.
Rest in peace little one.