Thoughts on Synastry and acceptance of self

I am wondering if using my own chart for my Synastry homework was a bad idea.

Researching a chart connected to another person (not to mention someone I deeply admire and respect) is slightly heart-breaking. The more I learn I have in common with TMW5T, the more my heart hurts knowing I’ll never actually know him. I like him even more having seen his chart (even the difficult bits, and there were plenty, on both sides of the chart) but, there were lovely aspects too. Really sweet ones that give me hope about the kind of person I aspire to be for others.

Will I feel a loss if I never get to experience the kind of friendship and spiritual healing these charts indicate?

The aspects startle me, because they pinpoint my shadow-work extremely well. I see the areas I have so diligently delved into, trying to be a better me.

It’s odd to realize that every single step of my journey has taught me exactly what I needed to learn according to my charting. It’s like the universe has already set me on a path to be the person I am most trying to become. Every difficult life lesson has strengthened the person I am learning how to be.

I’m jealous of my chart, because it shows a friendship and closeness with this amazing person that, it would seem, is the best friend I’ve never met.

I feel blessed to know more about myself as I could be, but sad because to be that person, I have to let go of expectation.

I have confirmed within my own heart, why my favorite person is my favorite. I was right about him, and that makes me very happy in my soul. I can admire him, but I own nobody and my greatest gift is accepting and being glad simply for this beautiful thought. The chart shows me in a lovely healing light I will continue to strive towards. I will keep going. If he can, I can.

The universe watches over me. I can’t make things happen as I want. I can only appreciate that I am, inside myself, a person my favorite person might have liked to be friends with.

Perhaps that is enough for anyone.