I have this really unusual habit. When I am sad or feel like things are hard, I withdraw from people. I don’t write as much and disappear from social media for a time. I go away and think about things, sometimes I feel sorry for myself-a little, but most of the time I just let myself be whatever I feel, so I can emerge the same person they have come to rely on.
It’s not that I can’t lean on people, it’s more like, It’s not in my nature. I have learned strength from taking the time I need to confront my shadows. I don’t know why, but being alone for a time, is better for me, than crying and whingeing with others near me. I gain more from thinking quietly. Though, I do vent quite freely about irritation things, deeper issues are not really shared. I just feel happier working these thoughts out alone.
I am blessed by people who understand my nature. They know this truth about me and I have to acknowledge that it relieves me to know that I am understood. I would hate to make someone feel neglected because of this habit.
I am emerging from one such time of reflection. It’s lasted about a week. I have made a decision. I don’t want to waste my words anymore. I feel like I spend soo much time speaking, that I can’t hear things inside me that are trying to be heard. I want to hear. I plan to listen.
With this in mind I am taking a week off work to be silent. It’s different from the times I withdraw, because I plan to write a lot online and offline. I want to still my actual voice, so I can hear that other voice. The one inside me. I think she has a lot to say.