Who wants to join the sisterhood/brotherhood of the traveling pants?
What does this mean?
To be part of the sisterhood/brotherhood you have only one requirement. You must assume the belief that anyone who tries to make you be submissive to them is a douche canoe.
Whether they be male or female, a mate that makes you feel inferior instead of equal is a person who does not truly have balance with you. Without balance we will all eventually fall over.
In order to attain balance one must admit they are not in charge. They are not “The head of the household” They are “Part” of the household, but not any more important than anyone else.
You also have to accept that being equal to every one means you cannot be a whiner who complains about things when they don’t go your way. Being equal is a two way street. Don’t expect them to be a mind reader, and don’t use your emotions to get your way. They call that emotional manipulation and it sucks.
Equality means being fair and not using your emotions to get something you want. Even if you really, really want to.
When things get tough and equal-ogist doesn’t blame their mate or think that everything that is going wrong in a relationship is “His” or “Her” problem. In an equal relationship it isn’t his or her..it’s an “our” problem. Fighting should be for each other..not against each other.
Chores should be shared. The man should not be expected to be the only one taking care of the car any more than the woman should be expected to always be the one doing the dishes. Want to be treated as an equal by your man? Learn to change your own tires, oil, and spark plugs. Want to be treated as an equal by your woman? Learn how to do laundry, cook, and sew on a button. You are not a child anymore. You are a grown adult who needs life skills that may have not been properly taught to you due to a bias on your gender. To be equal, you must demand to know what you are missing.
The question isn’t “Honey, what are you making for dinner?” It should be “What are we making for dinner?” Compromise is not giving in and taking the gender forced role..it’s giving and receiving. If he made you breakfast, you should not complain if he didn’t do the dishes. If she cleaned the living room you should think about making her dinner. See, it’s called co-habitation.
Without a gender bias the entire household becomes your place to mold into whatever you want it to be. If he likes sports let him watch them. If she likes soaps pull her up a chair. Feel free to swap those examples into opposite genders too. (My ex is a devoted Day’s fan and I adore watching Hockey)
Equality is attainable only if you become aware of your own personal assumptions about what is considered his duties and what is considered yours. Let those assumptions go..and admit you had them..and they will become a new viewpoint.
Also, giving up on telling each other what you should be doing at what time is also a good idea, it is not your job to tell him the dishes need done any more than it is his job to remind you to cook.
What is important is talking about who wants to do what that day and sticking to your promise. Not doing the task you assigned yourself then becomes less about who is the boss, and more about breaking a promise to do your fair share.
Why is it called the Sisterhood/Brotherhood of the traveling pants? because when things get tough real adults put on their big adult pants and deal.