There is that feeling of needing a deep thought session.
Too much to say mixed with too much integrity until, my heart and mind lose their balance.
Wounds hurt with the truth and sometimes the truth is like a baking thing. Not ready to be heard until its proper time.
Restraint is needed but its also, quite exhausting.
It’s easy to forget that we are fragile. We work soo very hard to appear unbreakable. It leads us into moments of thoughtless targeting. Wounding without being aware that we flung an arrow into flesh. So certain that, that heart before us was made of steel.
My conclusion about my day, is that, I spent too long in the company of others and not enough in the company of myself. Not enough private thinking. I need new thoughts to educate and inform me of things unseen but known after quiet contemplation. Meditation is needed.
My heart is strung up like christmas lights that haven’t been turned on yet. The color and brightness is there but, I haven’t yet found the one that makes me glow. Too many messages starting with hey baby, hello beautiful. Not enough with hello, I like your mind, I like your humor.
I want to fall in love with a quiet chuckle that feels somewhat familiar and less rushed. I fall in love the way a saxophone plays. Slow and meandering. Relaxed and certain of itself. Confidently letting things end up where it wants until its ready to simmer itself gently into palms and shoulders.
I don’t want to be seduced. For me, the seduction is in seeing a man as he is and falling into his arms because he isn’t ever anything else.
Lying in the dark helps. As does letting sleep draw like fingers through hair.