(This letter is to everyone and anyone. All my friends, even the ones I haven’t met yet)
Dear friend ,
You probably don’t realize it, but I love you.
I love that you are you. That you exist. That you are often embarrassed by your own body. Farting and burping, nervously sitting in the bathroom wishing people would leave so you can stink up the place in peace.
Yes, I love you. I love that you are always wondering if you are a freak of nature. Convinced that you are the only one who screws up and says the exactly wrong thing. Or that you do weird things that you are quite certain others don’t do and would probably make fun of you for.
You know that night you stayed up 24 hours straight because of that program you just discovered and just had to see all the episodes of? I know about that.
You know that tree you kinda like and notice every single day of the year. Such a weird and random affection for such an inanimate object. I know that you cried a bit inside when they trimmed his branches because they were interfering with the power-lines. I know you thought that was something others would consider dorky, but damn I love you for that.
You know that day you said something snarky to that person waiting in line, and felt so bad about it that you just wanted to go back and tell her you it wasn’t her, but that your day had just gotten so bad you lost your temper over her something small and stupid rather than admit what it was really about, because then you’d have had to acknowledge the fact that you don’t always have a clue what your going to do about stuff that has gotten a little bit too hard all of a sudden? Yeah, I know about that too.
Wanna know something else? It’s ok. I love you anyway. In fact, I love you because you are all those things, do all those things, think about ALL those THINGS.
I love you because in those small moments there is something mighty precious going on. You are living. You, my wonderful friend, are living a life. You are breathing in, and breathing out. How fricking amazing!
You are thinking and contemplating. Making goofy faces and eating things that you really should not be eating. You are feeling things too, did you know this? You are laughing and snorting like a hyena. You are flashing your teeth and peppering the world with spit as it flies out of your mouth. You are blushing and scowling, sweating and grunting. Oh you marvelous thing! You are living.
Why am I so excited? Because you are exciting. You are a person who was born inside another person. They brought you into this big beautiful place they call the world. You were wrinkly and red. You cried a lot. You pooped a lot. You even spit on them quite a bit too. Maybe sometimes they wondered if you would ever sleep or if they would. You had questions. Questions, Questions, Questions! How freaking awesome!
Your mind was awhirl with it. You got giddy over learning how something was done. You wanted to share it with everyone who would stand still. “Look, look I can see my feet!”
Then you got older. You discovered some things were not fun. Some things were hard and some people were bad. There were sometimes unfair things that happened and you couldn’t stop them. Damn, but I am proud of you.
You survived! You fought and you screamed and you survived. Go you go! Fighting for your right to be alive and be more than these terrible things that happened to you. You learned how to defend yourself. How to understand pain and compassion. How to offer it to others.
You fell in love. Tons of times..or thought so anyway. Ah the ecstasy of that first kiss. The horror of that first painful lesson in being hurt by love. The acceptance of things being out of your control and the learning how to re-build that heart and make it stronger. That lesson you learned on how to wait for the better choices. The better hearts, the ones that deserved you. The lessons in patience and worth.
I am so excited for you. You are learning how to be kind when it is your turn to hurt someone aren’t you? You are learning how to be somewhat kind, even if they don’t deserve it. Oh, you amazing thing!
I am so blessed to love you. You are sparkling with it..those impulses to give and receive. Those dreams and wishes that break out and make you who you are.
You grew and you grew. You worked hard and tried things. Sometimes they were things you should not have tried..oh how much wisdom you got from those mistakes. How much better you became with those stumbles, those falls.
Your faults make you more. They make you compassionate. They make you bold and brave and so very complex. You are like a novel that takes a lifetime to understand, to comprehend, to properly read. You are something that no one can take away. You are a life..being lived.
And I love you. Even if you don’t know.