On my birthday, January 12, 2019, it will be 10 years I have waited.
Letting go is sad but, I don’t regret.
I’ve grown so much wiser examining my shadows. I’ve worked through quite a lot of pain and baggage. I feel stronger and more at peace.
Perhaps, that is all anyone can truly request from fate. Things don’t always happen the way you want. Sometimes you just have to accept what is and what isn’t meant to be.
Still, the dream was lovely.
I usually got teased at BRU for this…um…a lot. Like A LOT! 😁
I didn’t realize it was an INFP trait. Color me happy! I’m not weird, I’m living up to my typology. 😙
Also, just dreamt about TMW5T. Dreamt I was dancing around his place moving furniture about. Someone else, in dream, was nervous about dancing. I laughed and told them that I’m not really a good dancer, and that TMW5T probably hated me moving his furniture. He smiled and said he didn’t care, but, that he did kinda need a hug. Best hugger ever! Woke up smiling.
(FYI I dance in my room sometimes..tons of enthusiasm…0 talent)
This is what I’m sewing as a present for my sister, Shay, for Christmas:
This is where I am so far:
I know you’re impressed right??!!
Believe it, or not, that’s just under 2,000 stitches. The completed project will be about 197,000 stitches. I better pace myself.
Sooo…195,000 to go.
You don’t know this but, I tell my heart stories about you. I tell it how hard you work, the things you stand for. The hardships you’ve worked through.
I tell it about those secret tender moments, whereby your feelings escape and reveal a you seldom seen but always beneath the surface, wishing to be seen and appreciated more.
I tell my heart about your struggles, to feel connected, to feel seen. I tell it that there are human things going on inside you.
I tell my heart all the things I know about you. All the things you don’t quite realize are the best bits of you. The parts of you that my heart cradles close to it, because these bits of you, are the bits that hearts love most.
The real bits you don’t realize I see.
The bits of you that are human and greatly loved for simply existing.
These parts of you that make me glad to remember you. The bits I tell my heart about, so I don’t forget.
The bits that make me love you.
(With all my love, Mom)
These sad realizations
that time adjusts for no one.
Wading through emotions that
squander my certainty.
I’m left awkwardly fumbling, wondering
“just who do I think I am”.
Second guessing myself
as I prepare to begin another chapter
I’m still passionately bookmarked in this one.
Do I write to you too often? This started out as just a lark. Talking to someone I feel a kinship with but will probably never meet.
Thing is, I’ve shared some pretty deep thoughts with TMW5T and, whelp…he’s become an important part of my inner world. This dialog doesn’t seem quite proper suddenly. I mean, I feel a growing affinity for someone I’ve never actually met. The real you probably wouldn’t appreciate me being overly familiar and stuff. This persona is, in reality, just me..talking to myself. While it has been quite interesting, it’s only healthy to question the correctness of it all.
I feel like to continue writing MW5T I should really have permission from the real person and we both know that’s not gonna happen. As the real MW5T, you would probably think I’m nutso cutlet.
Therefore, I have decided to stop. The affinity I feel for you is still there but, it’s just time.
All my letters from here on out will be just what they really have been, all along. Me, just talking to myself about my secret inner thoughts.
Unless of course the real MW5T wants to go ahead and give me permission to write him. Cause, I’d be totally down for that too.
If anyone wants to see the MW5T dialogs of the past, they can find it in chronological order in links.
I watched a Christmas movie and now I’m in an oddly Christmasy mood.
Thought I’d share this post from 2016. It still makes me chuckle.
I am clearly nutso cutlet.