Poet

Snoopy sighs at 12 am

I considered not writing this as it sounds quite whiny and pathetic but, I’ve always prided myself on honesty and, well…here it is,

I’m deeply lonely. Everyone keeps telling me how excited I should be to have this new beginning but, the truth is, I long for a true friend to laugh with. I’m cheerful all day long, and I love my life..still…

I’m a terribly solitary sort. I don’t invite people in, though they are quite welcome when they appear, and it’s not that I lack friends..in truth, I have many. Just nobody who feels like my 2 am.

2 am. You know, that person who won’t stop bugging you because they know you need them, even if you are slightly grumpy and often batshit crazy? The person who leaves you dorky comments and messages all hours of the day and night and fully encourages you to do the same? The person who makes no secret of the fact they love talking to you at 2 am? You know, that person. The one who makes the hard stuff smoother with the sound of their voice.

I wish you could just randomly select someone to see you and understand the spaces between your sentences. They don’t really make ads for that and, if such did exist, lets be honest, it’d probably be a con.

I think I’ve solituded myself into a corner.

Ps. Meh.

Poet

Ow..

Soo..I remember this feeling. The feeling of having to hobble to the bathroom, at night, because you walked 20,000 steps. Ah! Yes. I remember now. My body is adjusting much faster than last time but, today I got my first sunburn. Sigh** Gotta break out the spray block.

As I mentioned, my legs are adjusting quickly but, they still tighten up after a full shift of walking.

Plus, My studio apartment has a tile kitchen and bathroom floor…

Ow.

Poet

Soo..the manager at my store made me blush

She basically announced to the entire new-hire group that I’m the best person doing my position she’s ever had. I totally felt my face burn because I’m thinking they just looooovveed hearing that about someone not themselves.

Oy!! I like compliments but, I’m pretty sure a couple healthy college guys could totally take me in a comparison of actual physical ability. Lol

I’m old and stubborn and apparently that works for me.

Snort.

If only they saw me hobble into the bathroom at 11 pm. I’m sure that would impress them…NOT!

😂

 

Poet

1st day back

It was easier getting my body back into it than when I started last time. Thank goodness.

Still, 8.5 hours hurts the feet. For realz. My commute time was way less though. Yay!! (45 min) Woot Woot!!

I’m going to read and then crash. Working is way better then not working.

 

Poet

We’ve sailed right on past Grey

I made the intriguing decision to just let my hair go grey this past year. It was a controversial decision among my family members, but I was just plain tired of dying my hair only to have the grey turn a nice purple or light brown color at the roots within days of spending my hard-earned cash to cover it.

Enter the “Grey project”

Only..apparently my genes decided it didn’t want me to just be Grey at 45. Nopes. I’m going silver-white. Like Mrs. Claus Silver-White.

Have a look:

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Yup. Dead sexy. Am I right?

Poet

Argh! Argh! And well, Argh!

A week without working, for a Capricorn (and myself in particular) is agony. I wouldn’t mind being a stay-at-home type but, I would have to be the stay-at-home type with stuff to do. I can’t do nothing. Doing nothing makes me cringe. Sigh** Having no money sucks. My inner Cappy is frustrated by my lacking savings account (I used it for the move..the horror!!)

I can’t start work until my background check clears. My manager says probably Sunday will be my first day. Argh!!!!!!

Thus far I have,

Cleaned and unpacked every single box I ever owned. Decorated my walls with all the art it can stand, pre-made meals for next week, charted the patterns off my phone onto graph paper for easier sewing (I don’t yet have a printer..don’t laugh), and posted 3 new pages research notes into my astrology notebook.

For the love of all that is contentment..get me to work please!!

I am no longer a fan of my own company.

Meh!

Ps. After work I’m going to have to walk the last 20 minutes home in the dark since I get out of work at 10 pm. It’s not a new thing (I did the same going to work at my last job)  I just hate the unfamiliarity of the terrain. I think I’ll test run it tonight.

Ps. Argh!!

Poet

Curly bastards

Most people don’t know that my hair is naturally curly. That’s because I vigorously brush it after washing it..usually..but this week it has been soo hot even my brushing it out has failed to prevent the curl-a-palooza that is happening on my head. Oy!

Oh, and yes…I have gone almost completely silver at 45..thanks for noticing.

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Poet

I will not freak out, I will not freak out, I will not…

There is nothing so scary to a Capricorn as that space between leaving one place (and its steady paycheck) and starting a new one ( and getting that first paycheck out of the way)

It’s that week between that absolutely kills me. I haven’t worked yet and that freaks my little inner banker the hell out. Yes, I know that I still have 1 more paycheck coming, but that inner worrywart keeps reminding me that there are bills coming up due soon and I haven’t earned the money to pay that and my next months rent…yet.

My logical brain knows I’ll be just fine. The thing is…my logical brain ain’t driving tbe bus just now. Because, my nest egg was used to pay the security deposit, 1st months rent, and travel expenses, my inner banker doesn’t like the zero balance on my savings account..at all. And when I say at all..I mean his ass is in the fetal position.

I just spent the last 4 hours planning out a payment schedule that ensures that everyone is paid on time and on budget. It took some finangling because I had to make guesses on my hours and most likely scenario with regards to electric usage and how often I’ll need to use an Uber (buses don’t run on weekends soo…8 days max a month using a service if I work both days each week)  anyway…I’m done. Phew** I made high guesses because I’d much rather be pleasantly surprised than unpleasantly horrified.

After that was done, I went on to plan out my food budget and menu. That was also lots of fun.

I think I need a nap.

B

 

 

Poet

All moved in

Well, it’s begun.

The drive here was interesting. I have never taken a roadtrip with just my nephews before. I found it..boring. I must say, I prefer Shay’s chattering and bopping to music. Nephews don’t chatter, and they sure as hell don’t bop. They meander, they contemplate, they discuss (at least in front of their 45 year old Auntie!) They listen to music that hurts to hear also. (That’s probably just the bit that’s me getting old though).

My nephew spent a lot of money to take me to Wisconsin. I know this without a doubt. The gas to and from, the rental of the U-haul trailer, even a stopover at a hotel (Stoney Creek was soooo worth it though!) but, oddly enough, it was the work they put in for me that touched me the most deeply.

Carried my boxes up 3 flights of stairs. Made sure I had all my groceries. Checked to make sure I was ok, before making way to leaving.

Now, I know what people say..”That’s what family does” the thing is…I am not use to “that kind” of family.  I have one, of course, but mine has ever been a more independent, prove-you-can-do-it-alone, kinda family thing. Learning the meaning is different for other people, doesn’t really change what you have grown up knowing.

We have gotten warmer though, my sisters and I. As we grow we become more demonstrative, more supportive. Our childhood version of “family” isn’t our version. We are becoming at 45-ish, more of that warmer other kind. It just takes time and lots of tentative olive branches.

Sorry…lost on a tangent.

Back to my move.

Got here and tried to tame my butterflies. Incredibly nervous and highly exhausted. Nobody sleeps well in a car. I don’t care what anyone says.

My first impressions after signing the paperwork and seeing my place was “wow, it’s a bit tiny” quickly replaced by “I like it”

I have never truly understood, until this week, just how many people were aware of my struggles to have my own space and home. The many texts, emails, FB and IG comments, made me feel slightly startled and a little bit famous. (lol) (Don’t worry, it didn’t last. I’m too self-critical for prolonged ego)

I’ve had well-wishes and encouragement in abundance. I’ve learned not to breathe a word about needing to buy something at a later time, because damned people keep buying them for me. (The exasperation you hear is from feeling like a freeloader when people buy me stuff. I can’t help it..it’s just not my way)

The funniest comments were ones about how fast I unpacked. Unloading a truck of merch, at work each week, apparently has its side perks.

Soo..unpacked. Yup. My place looks like a home. The dining-table was a bitch to get the legs onto, the sewing table is freaking heavy, the wrought iron shelf came apart in transit and I had to screw everything back together, and I rediscovered stuff I forgot I even owned (oh..I forgot I bought that!)

The downsides? Only a couple.

I am much more aware of my safety because I’m here alone and I’m a teensy bit more lonely. Dammit, they was right about me missing the little floof-balls.

Mostly, I am just sitting here in shock. Now that it’s here, I’m not quite sure what new dream to start dreaming. I’m thinking it will be my book but, what else is out there waiting to be wished?

Onward!

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Friendships · My favorite person · The Man with 5 Typewriters

Anu

The years have grown longer
but your smiles have become stronger,
more filled with contentment
and surprised wonder.

You have built these blessings,
brick by brick,
stone by stone.
and now stand before the well-made foundation
that is your hearts most cherished dream.

These moments become you.

Happy Birthday.
Thank you for being born.
You are seen. You are known.
You are loved.

Poet

To do (or die) list update

  • Set up electric turn-ons for new apartment on September 1st. ✔
  • Set-up Internet service and get a Modem. (Decide if you want Cable or phone connection already procrastinator!) ✔
  • Switch Sprint Cell line from Shay’s account and create my own. ✔
  • Bus pass ✔
  • Get cash out to assist in driving expenses for nephew. ✔
  • Sign paperwork and get keys from Kaleb on the 1st of September at 11 am. Pay 1st months rent. ✔
  • Buy groceries. (Fast food is evil! Don’t do it!) ✔
  • Buy the min 30 items you need on list. (Pans, pot holders, and toilet paper are top 3) ✔
  • Completion of return hiring. My old boss completed the entire rehire in 30 min online with me. ✔
  • Unpack and don’t forget to breathe (You goof!) ✔
  • Sept 2. TMW5T birthday. (You may be a total dork-geek, but you are a loyal dork-geek) ✔

 

Poet

3 days to go

I’ve lived with my sister so long, that she’s fussing over me moving out on my own like I’m one of her kids. I’ve lived with a roommate before, but this will be my first place with just me and…my lack of furniture. I kinda like the adventure of it.

It’s heartwarming. Shay gave me pantry staples because she’s worried about my cupboards being bare. She gave me the toaster because “You’re the only one uses it anyway” She gave me glass ovenware because “You don’t even have pans yet”

Apparently I’ve gone and growed up on her. I was feeling nervous but, suddenly, I know I have the support I need to be just fine. I’m gonna be alone, but not really alone at all.

 

Poet

Country Door

I have been perusing this catalog Shay had sent. I don’t care for the overly kitchy decor items (seriously overdoing it with the country checkerboard-pattern people!) but, Damn! The furniture is totally seductive (excluding the weird ass weather-vane stuff that’s just dangerous to a klutz like me)

I did like a few decor pieces, I’ll admit. The wood or glass pieces suited me quite well. I draw the line at tin-metal pieces and farm animals though.

I calculated it out. If I bought the stuff I like it would calculate to be about $5000. Still, not bad for the amount of goods.

Apparently the style I’m drawn to is called “Transitional”

Our transitional style home décor brings you the best of both worlds

If you can’t seem to choose between traditional and contemporary home décor and furniture, then our transitional home decorating collection may be just what you’ve been looking for. This unique collection brings together the best of yesterday and today in a pleasing, can’t-go-wrong style. Find simple yet sophisticated furniture, from cabinets to couches and loveseats. Explore sumptuous but understated bedding and rugs, featuring fine materials and pleasing textures. Browse striking but uncluttered wall art and accents in a range of timeless themes, for every room in your home and the spaces in between.

 

 

Bexley Benton

Mumble, mumble

Current drama: 1% of anything.
Impressions: I’d have probably flipped the main character over my shoulder by episode 2.

I don’t react well to people grabbing me by the arm and forcing me to do things (or go places) when I don’t want to. “Senno ecto gammat Motherfucker!”

The main male character does this to the main female character and, I swear, I would have gone from a teensy bit stubborn to total mule monster the moment he attempted to “make me” go where I didn’t want to go.

Oh, and I’d have blown a fuse if he’d attempted (as he did in the drama) to tell me not to talk to any males I knew just because he said so…HAH! I say, HAH! “I will be friends with whomever I want buddy! Go soak your head!” (Probably explains why I am single).

The theme of the program is that he’s a rude and disliked person sooo..I guess I’ll wait and see how he changes his attitude. (Meanwhile, I’ll be the one mumbling dire threats under my breath)

Breakfast: An Italian Sub and Sun chips actually. (My day isn’t like anyone else’s due to working 3rd shift)

Television: Watched the final Level Up, watched a few episodes of 1%. They sure kiss a lot.

Notebook plotting: I tabbed the hell out of my notebook. I now have physical evidence that I have a learning obsession. Yay! Doesn’t everyone have 5 different things they are learning/ working on at the same time? Just me? Oh.

I really need to go to sleep now. Why are days sooo short?