I start with a single step and slowly walk forward.There is sound, but it’s muted, pushed into the background by the presence of my first thought. One thought, that I connect with another. This new thought joins up with three more, and suddenly, I am no longer walking, I’m leaping off the ground and taking flight.
I have learned to let the thoughts go where they will, just follow, let them show the way. So many memories that flutter back and touch down onto my skin, making a mark that covers my soul like the most beautiful butterfly wings. There are harsh lessons, but they have lead me somewhere special. A place that I wouldn’t have appreciated or stopped to notice, had I not been tired from my struggle, and forced to pause for breath.
How those hard moments made a better me. I would have denied wanting those lessons if you’d asked me before they happened, but..now, with this new trembling thought, I accept the pain that had to be. There is no shortcut, there is only through. If you don’t go through it, you don’t understand the gift when it is taught. That is just the truth.
I let my mind continue. I remember the laughter that I didn’t realize had become a memory, until I remember it. I pause considering how I should tell you that moment meant something to me. Perhaps I haven’t told you recently how much I love you. I jot a quick note, continue the flow.
These connections are like a spider-web, joining here, trailing away there. Forming a picture of something so delicate and tender. The realization that I am joyful. These patterns are me. These thoughts my own. I am becoming.
I’m so very proud of this life. It’s small and simple, but it contains beauty all its own. These tapestries live in my head, but they are alive and glowing.
When the dark comes. When I doubt. I want to remember this place that my thoughts have flown me into.
Others may not understand, there are parts of me I don’t share. Not because they won’t understand, but because the words don’t convey enough to properly honor the feeling that comes.
This place I go inside myself, is my sacred. It makes me remember who I am, who I am becoming, and where I came from.
I am enough.