The Missing Happy 

Sometimes it isn’t “happily ever after”. That….wasn’t your path. You learned much, taught much, and it was about love learned, not love kept. 

You didn’t know that at the time. You felt like something broke. Something was wrong and you broke it. The sadness overwhelmed you. You stood there looking at your “suppose to be” and realized it had become a “wasn’t going to be”. You walked away in despair of having lost something you vitally wanted. 

Then, one day…quite unexpectedly, someone asks if you regret it..that love that wasn’t meant to be forever, and you realize…you aren’t sorry it happened. You gained more than you lost. You learned so much about love and being loved, that a vital part of you would have gone missing, if you hadn’t lived and loved with the intention of ” forever”.

 You weren’t meant to have forever. You were meant to walk a path that lead further forward..and suddenly it’s ok. 

It’s ok because there was a reason for this particular path. Now, it’s about finding out where all this training is going and being glad…glad you loved someone enough to want them to have a “happily ever after” even if it isn’t with you. 

 Sometimes it isn’t “happily ever after” because, the story isn’t over yet!
#progressions #beingmore #lettingmypathbemypath #love #lifelessons #lovelessons #walkingthepath #taoism


Roses bloom when they are ready

What is yours cannot be taken from you. Fate doesn’t need to hurry. The path is already before you, you need only walk it. Examine your soul, so that it is ready when you arrive.

That is all that is needed.

Be at peace.

Love waits willingly for your soul to be ready.




I’m dog-sitting my sister’s puppy for the day. Her other dog, Loki is also here. Jiminy (as in Jiminy Cricket) is being a bit of a snot. Don’t let those adorable puppy eyes deceive you! He’s still potty training and thus far, I am failing hard. He literally waited to pee AFTER I brought him inside two separate times! The third time I was just getting his leash when he peed all over the place before I could get him out.

I’m considering banging my head on the floor…

With my luck, he’d probably take that as an opportunity to pee on my head.


What I’m thinking about today

My task in this life is spiritual. Spiritual enlightenment requires self examination. I don’t always enjoy the process, but I do learn. I know where my holes are and I examine my faults very closely. I will be the first to speak about what is faulty in myself.  I don’t hide from the things I need to change. This is me, walking the walk and talking the talk. It’s hard not to look away from my sins, but each day they grow smaller and less powerful. The parts of me I know need attention are certainly not hidden anymore.

Vulnerable. I feel vulnerable.

Finding balance in shifting sand

To find my balance in shifting sand, I have had to dig deep, deep, deeper than I ever dreamt. I have had to dig until I hit the foundation of my soul and finally accepted and loved who I am, at my core. What have I learned?

Sand is heavy. Moving it isn’t a simple thing. Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes the sand tries to run back into the hole. Sometimes I get scared this hole will swallow me up. 

Sand is hot. It burns my small concerns away, until I become stubborn, more stubborn every scoop of my hands. Determination and will welded like a shovel can clear things faster, but you pay..Yes, you pay for such strong tools. The price is pain. You burn away what isn’t you anymore, wasn’t you to begin with, or was a you that you didn’t decide to be. 

Sand is irritating. It finds everything. Little cracks and tiny scars. You will confront and heal even your smallest cracks. To hold water, you must seal the holes inside you. 

Sand is nothing. It merely blocks, it can be moved. It floats away on air to find a new place to rest. Once you find your air, you find strength to blow the sand away. Then, the real building begins. 

I know all about finding my balance. I have fallen. I have moved my sand. Sometimes with just my own two hands, but I moved it. By God! I moved it. 

My tarot cards caution balance. Keep your balance. Find your center. Know who you are.

Now build.

Dear Man I haven’t met,

Of all the dreams of you I have ever had, that one was the best!

Still laughing over the reaction to the thought of having to dissect an earthworm. Why was the inability to do gym an immediate trip to biology class? I shared how much the smell of formaldehyde was going to make you uber happy. Your reaction to me suggesting you pray your class wasn’t before lunch was hilarious. I told you how much I hated dissecting a baby pig as a kid. You could take a C grade and skip the dissecting though.

The chance to touch your face was a gift. It made me super happy. As was just sitting with you. It felt real and extremely comfortable. As always we were at ease with each other. Comes from dreaming about the same person since little, I suppose.

Only one question. Why were you about to drink coffee (with lots of milk…which is funny since I know you don’t actually drink it with milk) out of a leather doll shoe? Dreams are weird.

I can’t remember the first part of the dream, though it was vivid as I woke. I did notice I said your name in my dream. That was extremely amazing.

My smile can not be contained.