I’m tangled in the lengths of my own hair.
Uncertain about who I am becoming,
but, damned glad to no longer be a shadow
underlined by a whisper of sound.
I make noise now.
I curse like a sailor.
Stand and yell like a fire alarm.
Leap into the air.
Twirl in the grass.
Land in the graceless folds of my own arms
I drown myself in reams of startled laughter,
and stand like a crooked gate that’s been newly painted.
I’m tangled, but oddly satisfied.
Seems tangled is what I was always meant to be.
Sorry I’ve been absent so much. I’m working a 5 day stretch. I have Friday off though, really looking forward to it.
My Synastry research is totally amazing.
Sun Opposition Moon
Sun Opposition Venus
Sun Opposition Mars
Sun Trine Jupiter
Sun Sextile Neptune
Sun Sextile Chiron
Sun Opposition P of Fortune
Sun Trine Ascendant
Apparently I’m getting plenty of Sun. (Har har har)
Moon is even more interesting:
Moon Sextile Moon
Moon Sextile Venus
Moon Sextile Mars
Moon Trine Jupiter
Moon Sextile Neptune
Moon Conjunction Pluto
That’s what I’m working on so far.
Update: Apparently, Sun is your public face, Moon is your emotional secret self. I’m kinda happy to see the amount of positive aspects in Moon. It means true friendship and that matters quite a bit to me, given the Synastry is done with my favorite person as the other.
The negative aspects startle me somewhat, because they picked up on the areas I am working hardest to improve in myself. Interesting indeed.
Also, many of the hard aspects are positive in nature which, is kinda funny. Communication is definitely where I need a bit of work. I am quite prone to passionate outbursts without properly listening, especially in the area of criticisms. (I’m working on it!)
Some of the aspects made me blush like a tomato.
Some of them made me intensely startled and a bit wobbly in the knees. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. I never expected that.
In case you wondered:
Synastry is how your aspects, patterns, and planets interact with another person.
Composite is how you are as a unit or couple. It creates a completely new Sun, Moon, etc for you as if you are one person.
To determine if you mesh well as a prospective unit use Synastry. To see how you are seen as a couple, or what you become later as a couple use Composite.
I use Astro-Charts.com
They don’t do any interpreting, just the chart itself along with patterns, aspects, and the like. Be sure to adjust it to your liking in settings. They really do an excellent job.
I also used a very specific program that charts by using the exact coordinates of your birth place and time.
You can also use Astrotheme for finding that.
I selected my favourite person for my practice learning.
I have been really studying my Synastry chart. It has some extremely interesting revelations. It helps me understand myself better and I’m learning a lot by researching Astrology more thoroughly.
If you have an interest in Synastry or Composite Astrology, feel free to use my data from my Astrology page to study it in more detail.
That’s what I’m up to this week.
Just be you.
It’s possible to dazzle me. Make me see you as larger than life. Allow me to gloss you into something I can’t ever really touch. Make me see stars. Float on cloud 9 for days and days. Turn my pulse into railway tracks and speeding buses.
I have been there before. That heady rush to see only the shiny exterior. Forgetting that the shine wears off.
The truth is, you can lie to yourself for ages and ages, before you wake to find yourself hurt because the person you imagined, was never real to begin with. You not only bought the rose-colored glasses, you didn’t even notice you’d put them on until they fell off. It isn’t even their fault, it’s yours. They deserve to be themselves. Loved as they are, loving you as you are.
I don’t want to make you walk in the patterns I create. I want you to walk on your own feet. Expecting you to be perfect makes me unable to be imperfect with you, and thus we will slowly falter. You can’t sustain perfection.
That’s not fair…to anyone.
Just be you.
Be the you I have to accept. The you I will occasionally roll my eyes at and sigh in exasperation over. The you I have to work with to get it right. The you I have to compromise with. The you I have to learn patience for. The you that I learn, bit by bit, and day by day. The enduring us.
See, you can make me blush. Make me stammer and sigh. Make me unable to stop shivering when you smile. You can make me feel all those things..but those things, they should only be the beginning. The prelude to more stable things. I like the fancy you, but I love the you that goes barefoot too.
I want more. I want you.
The you that isn’t afraid to stop being perfect. The you that makes mistakes, curses, sometimes even farts. The you that makes me work to learn you. The way you really are.
Don’t let me see you as someone you aren’t. Don’t let me lie to myself, and thus, force you to lie too.
Just be you.
Help me love more than just the you I can see right now. Help me love the you that I will eventually see tomorrow.
I’m putting together a portfolio of my writing. Blog posts, poetry, and selected chapters of my books-in-progress. I figured if I have to edit the Hamilton book, I might as well look over and spruce up some of my best pieces of writing at the same time.
I’m going to be saving up for a new laptop and possibly, a printer. I have a habit of editing my work best when I can physically hold it in my hands.
Hamilton is done, but he needs lots of TLC. I’m realizing I need some technical help. I’m pretty good with most aspects of grammar, my problems lie more in the area of sentence structure and paragraphing for dialog. I’m thinking a few self-help and guideline books are in order. Can’t get better without putting in foundation work, don’t ya know!
Anyway, those are my plans. I don’t go as fast as others, but I get there eventually. I think these days are all learning days. I wish I had more time to devote to just writing and researching my world creations. By the time I get home at night I’m usually too tired to sit at my desk. This is, of course, due to the 8 working hours and 4 hour travel time. It wears me out.
The only true time I have to work on my writing is on weekends. I took a break after finishing Hamilton, but it’s time to take the next step.
I’m an INFP
Ok, so, this personality assessment is extremely accurate to the point of freaking me out.
Umm..read it if you want to know way too much about who I am.
Ps. I think I just scared myself.
If you step, one step,
to either side,
you will find the sun.
It’s only failure if you stop here,
back bowed in suffering,
defeated by your challenges.
discover the truth of life.
If you don’t stop,
what feels like failure,
becomes valuable experience.
Life is viewpoint.
Wisdom is knowing when
to change your trajectory.
Find the sun waiting.
If you’ve never stood inside a shadow,
how can you appreciate the sun?
If you’ve never tasted bitter regret,
how can you savor the love you’ve won?
If you’ve never felt your heart break,
how will you learn that love can heal?
If you never tested your faith,
how can you trust the way you feel?
There is a purpose for every moment.
There is a reason for every doubt.
Within each person’s struggle
there is a truth that must come out.
I’m just glad that he was born.
Words on paper.
A pause in breath.
Tangled impressions of personality.
Locked out again.
Turning back towards a timeless tree
that held me.
Trees don’t forget.
Translate my thoughts
into something relatable
though, perhaps less haptic,
Cool green leaves,
The heart of my history.
I’m sorry but, I laughed for 5 solid minutes.
Photobombed by his own movie poster.
It happened slowly. Like a slow drip. A whisper, a cello, a low tone just below the hearing, but rising gently.
It had the sound of many voices. Many. They sounded like people I knew. People who loved me and wanted me to love me. It was like music.
For once, I didn’t do the practiced thing and discard their words, certain they were just being kind. I accepted. Yes, please. Thank you.
Something happened then.
I looked at my body and made peace with it. It gave me a child. It carried that child inside me, protected her, and helped me become a mother. It may not look like it to anyone else’s eye, but my body is beautiful. It did what I desperately wanted it to do. Yes, a blessing. This is a blessing some never experience. Respect for them means respecting my body for this gift.
The whispers grew louder. They started chiming in with each negative thought. Telling me to stop. Telling me to see, truly see, what I had been telling myself each day. They started telling me the opposite. When I thought negatively, they spoke positively. When I felt lost, they found me. These voices were kinda cool.
I started laughing more. Trying new things. Feeling less awkward when things went a little loopy and lopsided. I began to enjoy failing, because it meant I was trying something I’d never done before. Failure became a thing I didn’t fear. It became proof I was progressing into new territory. I was growing!
Little by little, I fell in love. With the way I cry because I care. At the way I suddenly understood that I wasn’t broken, I was mending. One is in a state of just being, the other is in a state of becoming. How I loved becoming much better!
One day I looked in the mirror, and she was smiling. I made a funny face at her and she laughed back. I realized I was happy.
I was in love, with me.
Lessons became less battles and more like vigorous challenges. Each step I accomplished became proof of my affection being true.
I love me.
Now something new is happening to me. Because I love me, I know how to love you.
I know how this thing works now.
And I have a new thing to love and heal.
This site is awesome. The premise is simple, read the first page of a book without seeing the title, cover of the book, or author, until the end, when you click to reveal it.
I’ve discovered some terrific books I’d never have considered before.
Trust me, this is one you want bookmarked.
I just added this gem to my book pile.
Check out the site and see what hidden gems you might be missing.
“It’s time to find your voice and speak your mind because you have held your opinion and your feelings inside for too long.”
Tear up your throat and bloody your lips,
if you must,
but speak, at last, speak.
and from the deepest part of your spine.
Speak with conviction,
no more dividing line.
let who you are,
be, at last,
Masks have a way of slipping.
to no longer wear one.
“Courage is fear that has said its prayers.”
Letting my inner mind travel an uncharted path.
Flowing from insight to insight.
Contemplation to contemplation.
A silvery path of soundless tranquility.
The joyful acceptance of eternity.
I will be a force for good.
Trusting my guides and my guts,
to lead me forward, toward the light.
Bow my back to the effort,
I shall not tire.
I weld my words for harmony.
Offer these hands,
We may be broken,
but, we can mend.
2 songs. I can’t stop wanting to hear them. I don’t know why, but, I just keep needing to play them lately.
Justin is responsible for more than one of my past song obsessions. “Mirrors” and “Not a bad thing” are permanent fixtures on my playlist. Sneaky, very sneaky with the making me sing and wanna move my feet thing. I’m watching you, mister!
This is the other one. The music is perfectly paired with her voice. I just love the way she sings.
If you haven’t figured it out I’m a terribly emotional listener. I like songs that sound like poems set to music. Give me a good story and I’m done for every time.
Ok, so..I don’t get on my soapbox often, but seeing as I am annoyed, I’m getting up here and telling it like it is.
I have been reading reviews of some of my favorite classic Sci-Fi novels and I see an annoying trend.
I don’t like it when people review an old classic and judge it by the current novels of our time. The reviews, I just read, ripped apart my favorite author’s writing style and content as if they were side-by-side with current fiction. It just set me off into a rant of epic proportions.
It’s stupid. Of course it isn’t going to be as good as the books you are reading now, it made the books you are reading now possible. You judgmental bastards!
The science fiction novels of generations ago are more reserved, less sexual, and slightly more tongue in cheek. Why? Because they had never been written before!! They were scrutinized and criticized. Especially authors who decided to add fantasy storylines into the accepted Science Fiction scene. They had to combat two factions. Those who wanted Science Fiction to remain the same (slightly geeky and dominated by male readers) and those who criticized the romantic aspects of this new genre against existing romance novels of the times (slightly girly and dominated by female readers).
Science Fiction Fantasy was definitely made to meld two types of readers and they succeeded fantastically. I freaking loved them.
I had never felt comfortable with romance novels whereby the female lead character was “taken charge of” by the strong, overbearing, yet secretly loving, male lead character. I often felt a strong desire to kick the female characters butt for putting up with such alpha-male chest beating.
Science Fiction Fantasy was my world. Strong female characters and science. Whoa baby!
Science, when I was young, was often considered “boy territory”. I was not encouraged to like it. Things like Auto body, Woodshop, and Science club were places girls weren’t really expected to go.
I liked science. I liked romance. I liked unicorns and talking trees. Space ships and lightsabers. My mom was completely unprepared for her daughter to like Star Wars, Star trek and all things Sci-Fi. My cousin Freddie owned the entire Ewok Village. I was completely envious because I ended up with a freaking Pink She-ra (there is definitely a post on here somewhere about my feelings about that).
So, yeah. The writing wasn’t sexy, like the paranormal and Sci-Fi writing of today. It was understated and quirky. It had valiant characters and daring battles of bravery. There was a lot of thinking without speaking. A lot of characters alone and struggling instead of snuggling.
Nothing wrong with snuggling…but I like a bit of storytelling with my sexy banter. Ok?
Stop writing reviews in 2017, about books that were the frontrunners of today’s writing, using the same measuring stick as if they were written today. They weren’t. They had to walk the edge of acceptance by society of that time. They didn’t have the freedom to write 50 Shades of Grey type of stories without a whole lot of angry people showing up.
(Side Note**I found 50 Shades rather boring…seriously you want hot sex read Christine Feehan..she kicks 50 Shades of Grey in the ass..but that’s another post altogether)
I find old school Sci-Fi fascinating. They are still just as awesome as the day I read them for the first time. They opened the doors that all those cool new writers walk through.
Anne McCaffrey, Piers Anthony and Mercedes Lackey (to name my favorites) began the second wave of feminism in writing science fiction that had strong female characters, romantic themes, and encouraged girls to enjoy science fiction in a whole new way.
Those who weren’t around for those first books may never understand just how wonderful and freeing those books made girls of my generation feel. Even so, they can appreciate that the books they love now, had to have come from somewhere..this is where.